Romans 14: Don't Make Your Brother Stumble, Build Him Up

Introduction

“What does the Church mean to you?” Takashi Kondo, pastor of Hamadera Bible Church in Japan, asks one last time the question that opened his series “The Believer Who Lives as an Architect.” At the start, he had compared the Church to a hotel: a place you visit when you feel like it or need something, as a customer waiting for a service.

The Bible teaches something else. The Church is a building that Jesus himself is constructing, a site still under construction where imperfect sinners are gathered. On this site, differences in thinking, opinions, tastes and values are natural. What matters is how we look at them according to the Bible.

This eighth and final message is about Romans 14:13-19. Here Paul gives the Christians in Rome, who were judging one another, seven truths to keep in mind when facing differences. The first five were covered in previous weeks. Two remain: acting in love rather than destroying, and living as citizens of the kingdom of God.

Outline of the message

1. The Church is a construction site, not a hotel

Jesus is the master architect of the Church: “I will build my assembly” (Matthew 16:18). We are neither its designers nor its owners.
Through the cross, people who were enemies of God and of one another have become one family, living stones fitted together to be a dwelling place for God.
We are not passive spectators. The Lord has given us tools to build with him: the Word, fellowship, the Lord’s Supper and prayer.
So the question is not “What can I receive?” but “What can I offer to the Lord and to my brothers and sisters?”

2. “Therefore”: we will all stand before the true Judge

Romans 14:13 begins with “therefore.” That word draws a conclusion from what comes before it: verses 10 to 12, where Paul reminds us that we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.
“So then each one of us will give account of himself to God” (verse 12). We will be asked about the life we received, the time and resources entrusted to us, and above all about our attitude toward our brothers and sisters.
Yet we tend to go in the opposite direction: we quickly sit down in the judge’s seat, waving our standards, our convictions and sometimes a proud heart.
The right to judge belongs to the Lord alone. Neither the strong, who enjoy their freedom, nor the weak, who struggle in their conscience, has authority over the other: we are all servants of the same Master.

3. Judge yourself: do not put a stumbling block in anyone’s way

Paul does not stop at negative advice. At the end of verse 13, the word translated “decide” is the same Greek word as “judge” at the beginning of the verse. In other words: stop judging others, and judge yourself.
Let’s be honest: we are often harsh with others and lenient with ourselves. “That person is wrong,” we say, and then about ourselves: “Well, it’s fine,” “It happens.” We can spend the whole day thinking about someone who irritates us without ever examining our own attitude.
Two images illustrate what Paul is asking. A “stumbling block” is something that makes you trip, like a bump or a small stone you don’t see on the sidewalk. An “occasion for falling” originally referred to the stick that triggers an animal trap: the bait is set, the animal touches the stick and the trap snaps shut.
So it is not only about avoiding what displeases others. It is about making sure our words and actions do not push a brother or sister to act against their conscience, to fall into sin.
The pastor invites us to picture a child learning to walk: the mother holds the child’s hand, and the father waits a few steps away. What would we say of a parent who placed an obstacle in front of the child while calling, “Come on!”, and then watched the child fall on their face? “How cruel, how unloving!” That is exactly what Paul wants us to understand about believers whose faith is still young.

4. Paul gives up his freedom out of love

“I know, and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean of itself” (verse 14). A former Pharisee who would never have touched an unclean food, Paul came to know freedom in Christ and rejoiced in it. He also writes it in 1 Timothy 4:4: everything God created is good.
Yet he does not impose his conviction. For the one who considers something unclean, it is unclean. Paul does not deny his conviction, but he welcomes those who do not share it, and he is ready to give up his freedom gladly if it makes a brother fall: “if food causes my brother to stumble, I will eat no meat forever more” (1 Corinthians 8:13).
We can grieve our brothers and sisters in several ways. By waving our freedom around arrogantly: “I have the right, and if you don’t like it, that’s your problem.” By looking down on those who do not live the same freedom: “He hasn’t understood anything,” even to the point of avoiding fellowship with them. Or by pushing someone to do what troubles their conscience.
That last point is serious: “whatever is not of faith is sin” (Romans 14:23). Just because something falls under freedom and is not forbidden by the Bible does not mean we can do it in any circumstance: if we do it while doubting that it pleases God, without faith, it is sin. And forcing a doubting brother is making him sin.
The heart of the problem is putting your own freedom ahead of love. “Don’t destroy with your food him for whom Christ died” (verse 15). Which weighs more: your right, or this brother? He is not just someone who thinks differently. He is part of God’s family, loved so much that Christ gave his life for him.

5. Citizen of the kingdom: love righteousness

After “do not destroy your brother,” we would expect a rule of conduct: “Let’s no longer eat anything that could make him fall, and let’s put up with him at all costs.” Paul does not do that. He turns our eyes to our position as citizens of the kingdom: “for the Kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit” (verse 17).
God “delivered us out of the power of darkness, and translated us into the Kingdom of the Son of his love” (Colossians 1:13). The old life, in which we were our own king, is over: we now live with Jesus as King.
The three words of verse 17 reappear in Romans 5:1-2. First righteousness: “Being therefore justified by faith.” No one was justified by their works; we could not reach the holiness God requires. Jesus, the Righteous One, died in our place, and God declares righteous the one who believes in him.
To love righteousness is first of all to live from it with constant gratitude, never taking it for granted. It is then to pursue it in everyday life: offering God our members “as instruments of righteousness” (Romans 6:13). The one who has received vertical righteousness, before God, seeks horizontal righteousness, in their relationships.

6. Love peace and joy through the Holy Spirit

“We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:1). It was not always so: we were enemies with hardened hearts. While we were walking that way, Jesus gave his life to reconcile us to God (Romans 5:10). We did nothing to earn this peace.
The one who is grateful to have peace with God becomes a peacemaker: “If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18). Whoever has tasted vertical peace seeks to keep horizontal peace.
Joy through the Holy Spirit means rejoicing in salvation and in “hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:2). God met us in Jesus, forgave our sins, united us with Christ, welcomed us into his family and made us sharers in his coming glory. The sufferings of this world last only a moment.
“How much do you rejoice in your salvation, each day?” Whoever tastes this joy does not keep it to themselves: they rejoice in what God is doing for their brother or sister.
Living as a citizen of the kingdom means fixing our eyes on what lasts rather than on what passes. How far can I impose my ideas, my rights, my preferences? That is not the center. The one who has received righteousness, peace and joy without deserving them seeks to pass on the love they received.

7. On the construction site, build up your brother

The pastor speaks first to those who have not yet believed: this is not about becoming nicer or finding compromises. You must first know salvation, ask for God’s mercy and personally receive Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.
For those who have received him, this way of life pleases God and becomes a witness: “he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men” (verse 18). We are no longer people who serve only themselves, but servants of Christ our King.
“Let’s follow after things which make for peace, and things by which we may build one another up” (verse 19). The word translated “build up” originally meant construction, the raising of a building or the building of a house.
Faced with differences, instead of tearing each other down, let’s build one another up in love. The Church is not a finished hotel: it is a construction site where Jesus, the master architect, is still at work. We are not customers there, or an audience that complains, but architects who wear their hard hats and stand on the site.
One day, we will meet the master architect. Until that day, let’s walk faithfully together.

Key takeaways

Judgment belongs to the Lord alone: we will all stand before him and give account of our attitude toward our brothers and sisters.
The zeal you direct against others, turn it toward yourself: make sure you place nothing in a brother’s path that makes him fall.
Your freedom in Christ is real, but it never outweighs the brother for whom Christ died.
The kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit: received from God, they are lived out with others.
The Church is a construction site: everyone is called to build up their brother rather than tear him down.

Personal application

Toward whom are you harsher than you are with yourself right now?
Is there a freedom you exercise without caring about the conscience of a brother or sister?
Have you ever avoided someone at church because they do not live the same freedom you do?
How many times this week have you rejoiced in the righteousness, peace and joy God has given you?
What concrete gesture can you make this week to build up a brother or sister?

Verses cited

Frequently asked questions

What does “decide this rather” mean in Romans 14:13?

Takashi Kondo points out that the word translated “decide” is the same Greek word as “judge” at the beginning of the verse. Paul is saying, in effect: stop judging your brother, and judge yourself instead. The zeal you direct against others, turn it toward yourself, so that you place nothing in their path that makes them fall into sin.

Do you have to give up your Christian freedom so as not to hurt your brother?

Paul knew that nothing is unclean of itself (Romans 14:14), but he was ready to give up his freedom gladly if it made a brother fall: “if food causes my brother to stumble, I will eat no meat forever more” (1 Corinthians 8:13). For the preacher, the heart of the problem is putting your own freedom ahead of love.

What does “the Kingdom of God is not eating and drinking” mean?

Rather than only correcting outward behavior, Paul turns our eyes to our identity as citizens of the kingdom. This kingdom is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Whoever has received these three gifts from God seeks to live them out with their brothers and sisters.