Who Are You Living For? Jesus' Light Yoke (Matthew 11)

What does the start of the school year look like at your house? For the pastor and his wife Sarah, it's more like "a big jumble of things to sort out": the schedule, the kids' activities, sports, the expectations of friends and family. Putting the right priorities in the right place is a real challenge. That's why the pastoral team at Church Like Home is opening a new three-part series called Who Should I Live For?

Behind our priorities lies a deeper question: do I want to live for God, for others, for myself, for my planet? When all these expectations pile up, we feel pulled in every direction. And that raises the question of our responsibility: how can we truly be useful to others without burning out?

This first message starts from an observation about our society, revisits the two great commandments Jesus gave, and then lands on Matthew 11:28-30, where Jesus offers concrete help for carrying out this mission of loving God and our neighbor.

Outline of the message

1. Live for God, for others, or for yourself?

Living for God scares some people. The pastor talked about this with friends: we see people who claim to live for God and do terrible things, we think of terrorists, or even religious people who abandon their children for the sake of their faith. Is it really reasonable to live for God? The real question is: for which God? And what does that God ask of us when we live for him?

Living for others sounds beautiful on paper but is incredibly hard to live out. Altruism is excellent, but you have to wonder whether, in living for others, you end up forgetting yourself.

There was a time when society was much more oriented toward a great cause, toward a transcendent meaning. Even without God, communism carried this idea of holding everything in common, of living for others. Today, that's largely lost. The pastor quotes the American sociologist Philip Rieff: the death of God in the West gave birth to a civilization devoted to freeing the individual from any restraint in the pursuit of individual pleasure. Religious man, who ordered his life around a shared purpose, has given way to psychological man, for whom life consists of experimenting until he finds his own path. Man no longer sees himself as a pilgrim journeying together with others on a great voyage, but as a tourist exploring life on an itinerary of his own making, with his own personal happiness as the ultimate goal.

That stings a little. This sociologist isn't necessarily a believer, he's just making an observation. He's not saying things were better before: freedom of speech, freedom of belief, and equality between men and women have all progressed, even if nothing is perfect. But he points a finger at this individualism: does living for yourself really bring about good?

2. The two great commandments, and the self-esteem trap

The Bible sums up the two great goals of human life in two commandments, which Jesus repeats several times: love your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39). If we ask "who should I live for?", the biblical answer is: for God and for our neighbor.

Jesus says "as yourself." That's not a third commandment. The Bible never commands us to love ourselves. The idea is that we naturally tend to protect ourselves, and we should do the same for others. Today, we've shifted toward a search for self-confidence: in order to love my neighbor, and even God, I supposedly need to love myself first. This is something we hear very often, and it goes in a different direction than what the Bible says.

The pastor quotes an American psychologist who, drawing on research, wrote in the New York Times that people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to those around them than people with low self-esteem, and that feeling bad about yourself is not the cause of our most serious and costly social problems. A bit of a bombshell: we're often told that self-confidence is the key, but these statistics point to the opposite conclusion.

So the question becomes: what is the real way to love our neighbor and be useful to this world? Do we have the right strategy? Every religion, and even people who don't believe, more or less agree on the goal: the world would be better if we loved our neighbor. The Bible, for its part, offers a strategy for getting there.

3. "Come to me, all you who are weary"

In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus is with his disciples. He has just spoken to them at length about what is right to do: doing good, forgiving, loving your enemies. All of this flows from the two great commandments. He also reminds them that God is judge, which is actually reassuring: God loves what is good and just. And right after that, Jesus says: "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Yes, it's hard to live for God and for others. We have expectations from our parents, at school, to save the planet, to give our children the best, to care for our spouse, and at the same time take care of ourselves. Jesus talks about a burden. The pastor tells the story of this summer's vacation in a camper van with four kids: you really had to pack only the essentials. Our lives are a bit the same: we drag along baggage that weighs us down.

He also remembers a church retreat, an "oxygen week," at a mountain chalet far further from the road than he expected. Snowshoes, snow, all the food loaded onto a sled, a climb worthy of a black diamond ski run. He and Christophe went ahead, pulled the sled together, and arrived exhausted. They were too proud to ask for help and wanted to carry everything themselves, when they could have shared the load and organized better. In our lives, it's often the same: we absorb it, we tell ourselves "it'll be fine," we don't dare talk about it to friends, or even to God.

This burden becomes even heavier when we try to live for others and for God. Parents know this instinct that drives them to live for their children, and God calls us to live not only for our children but for everyone around us. So sometimes we wonder: wouldn't it be better to think a bit more about myself? People who don't think about others seem to be enjoying life. Shouldn't I let go?

Jesus doesn't say "let go of your burden, abandon your responsibilities, stop doing good." He says "come to me." And he promises a rest that isn't primarily physical: "you will find rest for your souls." It's an inner, spiritual rest. Jesus is speaking to a spiritual need and offering spiritual help, so that we can truly love God and our neighbor.

4. Accepting a gentle and humble master

Here's where it gets harder: "Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me." The original word refers to the yoke, that wooden beam placed on oxen so they can work together in pairs. Taking Jesus' yoke means following his instructions, becoming his disciple, that is, following a master. In a society that champions independence and the freedom to do whatever you want, that's not exactly appealing. Jesus isn't just a close friend to us: he's also a master, a king, the God who created everything. Our desire for independence and our desire for well-being then come into conflict.

But Jesus adds something incredible: "for I am gentle and humble in heart." This is the only place in the Bible where Jesus talks about his own heart. In the Bible, the heart is the seat of the will, the place where our first instinct lives. The first instinct of God incarnate in Jesus is to be gentle and humble. That's why we can trust him.

Gentle, here, means he's inclined not to accuse, that he's understanding, that his arms are open. Imagine your worst enemy, the one who stole from you, betrayed you, or ignored you: what do you feel when you see them? Jesus' first instinct toward someone who is his enemy is to open his arms to them. Of course he hates evil, but his first move is to draw near to the human being. The pastor thinks of children playing with slugs, all slimy, without fear: "Look, Dad, I've got a slug!" God is a bit like that with us. We're full of sin, there are things about us that are repulsive to God, but he's inclined to draw close to us.

He quotes Dane Ortlund, author of the book Gentle and Lowly: Jesus, perfect, holy, and glorious, shows no hesitation to reach out and touch what sin has defiled and what suffering has crippled. He wants to hold us close to his heart. He can't bear to keep his distance.

Humble in heart means that, despite God's dazzling glory, his blazing holiness, and his supreme otherness, he is approachable. He imposes no condition. He doesn't say "I'm of a nature far superior to yours." He draws close to us. Who wouldn't want a master like that? A master who judges instantly is terrifying. But once you know the heart of Jesus, you're not afraid to take him as your master. And what if the way to live a life for God and for others were precisely to accept having a master?

5. Good demands and a light burden

"My yoke is easy, and my burden is light." What if Jesus' yoke were actually a blessing? We instinctively assume that any demand must be bad. But what if we were created for this very demand? What if it were the missing piece in our lives, the reason our humanity feels a little broken? Dane Ortlund gives this illustration: it would be like saying that a drowning man must bear the burden of putting on a life jacket, and hearing him shout while gulping water: "No way! It's already hard enough sinking in these raging waters, the last thing I need is the extra burden of a life jacket."

Here are a few of these good demands Jesus gives us in Scripture:

• Reflect Jesus in your life.
• Your body is precious, an incredible tool: take care of it. Yes, that means taking time for yourself, and that's completely normal.
• You have worth for who you are, and Jesus showed you that on the cross. Your worth is found in being, not in doing.
• Make disciples: encourage people to meet Jesus and follow him.

Do we take these demands seriously? Are we willing to accept this yoke and get to work? Or do we buckle under the burden, saying "I have so much to deal with, I'm going to focus on myself first"? Or are we ready to say: "Okay Jesus, what can you give me so I can step into your plan of loving God and my neighbor?"

6. Do you talk to the Lord about it?

The pastor shares a moment of stress from this back-to-school season: his oldest is starting middle school, and he himself doesn't have great memories of those years. Listening to the principal's speech, he relived an echo of his own bad experience. Then he asked himself: do I talk to the Lord about this? Often, faced with a worry, we immediately look for a solution without taking the time to talk to God about it. His wife encouraged him to turn to God, and it did him a lot of good, even though it wasn't his first instinct.

Do we really lay our burdens on the Lord? He says "come to me." If you're stressed, take some time alone and hand over your struggles, your worries, your anxiety about the future to him. A bit later, Jesus will tell his disciples: "If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, and whoever will lose his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 16:24-25). What often holds us back is that we don't want to let go of control: we cling to our own life instead of entrusting it to God.

Key takeaways

• The question "who should I live for?" finds its answer in the two great commandments: love God and love your neighbor.
• The Bible never commands us to love ourselves first; the self-confidence strategy goes in a different direction.
• Jesus doesn't ask you to drop your responsibilities, he offers spiritual help: "come to me" and rest for your soul.
• You don't need to be afraid to take Jesus as your master, because he is gentle and humble in heart.
• Jesus' demands are good and his burden is light: they're like a life jacket for someone who is drowning.

Personal application

1. Do you have a desire for your life to be useful to others? What might be holding you back from that?
2. Individualism says "think of yourself first," Jesus says "follow me first." Have you ever experienced either of these approaches? What did it produce in you?
3. Are you aware that the God of the Bible has a gentle and humble heart? What does that change for you?
4. If you're a Christian, what demands is Jesus asking you to live out this back-to-school season? How will you go about it?
5. What burden are you carrying alone right now, without having talked about it to friends or to God?

Verses cited

• Matthew 11:28-30
• Matthew 22:37-39
• Matthew 16:24-25

Frequently asked questions

Do you have to love yourself before you can love others?

No. Jesus says "love your neighbor as yourself," which starts from the observation that we naturally tend to protect ourselves. It's not a command to love yourself. The Bible never gives that order, and the studies cited in the message even show that high self-esteem is not the solution to our world's problems.

What does it mean to "take Jesus' yoke"?

The yoke is the wooden beam placed on oxen so they can work together in pairs. Taking Jesus' yoke means recognizing him as master and letting him teach you. It's not an added weight: Jesus states that his demands are good and his burden is light, like a life jacket for someone who is drowning.

Why can we trust Jesus as our master?

Because he is "gentle and humble in heart." This is the only place where Jesus describes his own heart. Gentle means he's inclined not to accuse and that he opens his arms. Humble means he's approachable despite his glory and holiness, without imposing any condition. His first instinct is to draw near to us.