When Disappointment Strikes, What Do You Do?

Introduction

Disappointment is a silent emotion. It doesn't make noise like anger, it isn't visible like joy, and yet it can undermine you deeply. In this third message of the series The Emotions of Jesus, Daniel Pottier asks a simple question: "When you're disappointed, what do you do?" Do you sulk, throw everything away, retreat into your shell, play the victim? The good news is that Jesus himself faced disappointment -- from his disciples, from their immaturity, from their spiritual slowness. And he shows us three concrete attitudes to keep from being governed by this low-frequency emotion.

Message Outline

1. Build Realistic Shock Absorbers

• Disappointment is the gap between what you expected and what actually happened. It is a sadness tied to an unmet expectation, or the mismatch between who a person really is and the image you had built of them.
• Jesus always loved others, but never naively. John 2:24 says he did not entrust himself to the enthusiastic crowd, because he knew what was in the human heart. That is not contempt; it is clear-sightedness.
• Jesus integrates imperfection as a normal given, not as a surprise. He knows that a commitment can be sincere and fragile at the same time.
• This clear-sightedness allowed him to love to the very end, even Judas, even Peter, even the disciples who all abandoned him. A realistic view of others does not prevent love -- on the contrary, it sets love free.
• Matthew 10:16: "Be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." The call is not to cynicism but to sincerity without naivety.

2. Learn to Revise Our Expectations

• Revising our expectations means moving from our scripts to God's will. There is a difference between faith and spiritual imagination: sometimes you are not disappointed with God -- you are disappointed with the script you wrote in His place.
• Peter embodies this trap. He had projected a conquering Messiah, in the mold of David, ready to overthrow the Roman occupier. In the Garden of Gethsemane, he draws his sword -- faithful to his script. But Jesus tells him: "Put your sword back in its place." Jesus does not fight, does not resist, and lets himself be arrested.
• What if Peter didn't deny Jesus out of fear but out of disappointment? "I don't know this man" might mean: "I don't recognize this kind of Messiah."
• Jesus himself revises his expectations. At Gethsemane, he acknowledges his human desire -- to avoid suffering -- then says: "Not my will, but yours be done." That is what it means to realign your heart with God's reality.
• Spiritual maturity is not about having fewer expectations; it is about having properly calibrated ones.

3. Taming Relational Disappointment

• The fear of disappointing others is a prison. Many people live as slaves to their "yes," unable to decline a request for fear of hurting someone, even though they don't want to do what is being asked.
• Worse still: disappointment with yourself. When you fail despite all your efforts, the disappointment no longer comes from others -- it comes from you. It touches who you think you are. It produces shame.
• Brene Brown puts it powerfully: "Shame is the intensely painful feeling of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love." That is the regime of approval, but it is not the regime of the Gospel.
• Galatians 5:1: Christ has called us to freedom. The Gospel is not a performance system; it is a space of freedom. God is not a manager who evaluates you; He is a Father who walks with you through your growth -- and every parent knows that growing involves making mistakes.
• James 3:2: "We all stumble in many ways." John Maxwell sums it up: "Failure is not fatal; it is the price of progress."
• Jesus tells Peter: "I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail" (Luke 22:32). He does not pray that Peter won't fall, but that his faith will survive the fall. God does not call you to be perfect; He calls you to be on the journey.

Key Takeaways

• Disappointment is the gap between what you expected and what happened -- a low-frequency emotion that can do a great deal of damage.
• Loving without being naive is possible: Jesus did it throughout his ministry, and it allowed him to love to the very end.
• When you are disappointed with God, first check whether you are actually disappointed with the script you wrote in His place.
• The Gospel is not a performance system. You are called to freedom, not to live under the regime of approval.
• Being on the journey means getting back up without condemning yourself and moving forward without carrying the weight of shame.

Personal Application

1. What unrealistic expectations have you placed on the people around you -- spouse, children, friends, coworkers, church leaders?
2. When have you confused your spiritual imagination with God's voice? How could you realign that script with His will?
3. Are you a slave to your "yes"? What requests do you accept out of fear of disappointing, when your heart wants to say no?
4. What was the last disappointment that caused you to withdraw -- from a project, a relationship, a responsibility? What would God want you to take up again?
5. How is God inviting you to treat yourself with the same kindness He shows you, rather than with the severity of an inner manager?

Verses Cited

• John 2:24 -- Jesus did not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people
• Matthew 10:16 -- Be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves
• Luke 22:42 -- Not my will, but yours be done
• Luke 22:32 -- I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail
• Galatians 5:1 -- It is for freedom that Christ has set us free
• James 3:2 -- We all stumble in many ways

Further reading

• Creating a Communication Plan for a Church
• How to Create a Volunteer Schedule for Your Church
• Why Do Volunteers Leave Their Ministry?

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I love others without being naive?

Jesus offers the model: he loved deeply, but he did not entrust himself blindly to people because he knew them. Loving without naivety does not mean becoming cynical or hiding behind a shell. It means accepting that no one is perfect, that sincere commitments can remain fragile, and looking at others with clear-sightedness. This clear-sightedness does not diminish love -- on the contrary, it makes love durable, able to keep loving to the very end even when the other person disappoints.

How do I know if I'm disappointed with God or with the script I wrote for Him?

Take the time to name precisely what disappoints you. If you are honest, you will often discover that you had projected onto God a particular way of answering -- a healing, a quick response, a path without suffering. Like Peter in the Garden of Gethsemane, you had written your own script. Mature faith is not about having fewer expectations but about adjusting them to God's will, as Jesus did when he said: "Not my will, but yours be done."

How do I break free from shame when I'm afraid of disappointing others or myself?

Change your inner operating system. As long as you see God as a manager who evaluates you, you will stay in the performance and approval system. But the Gospel presents God as a Father who walks with you through your growth and knows very well that growing involves making mistakes. As Jesus did for Peter, He does not pray that you won't fall -- He prays that your faith will survive the fall. You are not called to be perfect; you are called to be on the journey: getting back up without condemning yourself, moving forward without carrying the weight of shame.