1 John 3: Loving in Truth, Not Just in Words

Introduction

"It is a privilege to be here, because it is a privilege to dwell in the house of the Lord." This is how Samuel Velinga opens his message, during a Communion service at the Evangelische Gemeente Hoogvliet in the Netherlands. He adds right away: humanly speaking, we should not be here. It is not because of our merit.

To talk about what it means to be a community, he starts from an animated film, Encanto, and the Madrigal family. A magnificent family, a magnificent house, a magnificent life. But behind the doors, everything is different.

Then he opens the first letter of John, chapters 3 and 4, with a question that runs through the whole message: can you truly love someone when you keep a false image of them, and when the lie continues to reign in the family or in the community?

Outline of the Message

1. Encanto: a beautiful facade, cracks in the house

In the film, the Madrigals all live together in a somewhat magical house. Each one has a special gift, except Mirabel. From the outside, the family seems perfect.
But inside, we find untreated pain and grief, very high expectations, the fear of not measuring up, reproaches, secrets and silences.
Each one lives from their own story. Bruno is seen as the one who brings bad luck and has withdrawn. Luisa has to be the strongest and take everything on. Isabela is the perfect daughter who cannot make a mistake. Mirabel, without a gift, seems to be worth less.
Assumptions are repeated until they pass for truth. "People are no longer seen as they really are, but as we imagine them to be."
Difficult subjects are never addressed. When Bruno's name comes up, they sing: "We don't talk about Bruno". The house ends up literally cracking.
Samuel Velinga pauses on the expression "cover with the cloak of love". We want to be patient, to show grace. But sometimes it is a way of not facing what chafes. "The appearance of peace is not the same thing as true peace."

2. John goes straight to the heart: light, love and life

The preacher reads two long passages: 1 John 3:11-19, then 1 John 4:7 to 5:12. He advises reading the whole letter in one sitting at home. He tells how he was gripped by this text while listening to the Bible as an audiobook one evening: "This is a message for our community."
From the very first chapter, John does not beat around the bush: "that which we have heard, that which we have seen with our eyes, that which we saw, and our hands touched, concerning the Word of life" (1 John 1:1). This Word is Christ, the one who went to the cross for us.
Then: "God is light, and in him is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5). If we walk in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin (1 John 1:7).
Three truths form the core: God is light, God is love, and life is found in Jesus. "If we say we are a community that follows Jesus, we must always start from this heart."
We readily quote John 3:16. But with God, there is no contradiction between what he says and what he does. His love is not without commitment: the God of heaven and earth became man to bear our sins. He does not merely give us something good, he gives us a new existence, a new community, a new way of living.

3. A love that is seen in deeds

"My little children, let's not love in word only, neither with the tongue only, but in deed and truth" (1 John 3:18). Among us, word and deed do not always come together. God, for his part, is sincere, and he asks us to be sincere too.
The love John speaks of is not something vague, a passing feeling. It is a concrete reality: our attitude, our actions, the way we stand toward one another. It endures through time, because it comes from Christ.
John connects what we confess and what we do. We cannot act as if it were possible without Jesus: we always fall short. But neither can we live with Jesus without sincerely loving the other. Not to earn salvation, but because love comes from him.
"If a man says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar" (1 John 4:20). How often does this contradiction exist? We say we want to acknowledge the other, but behind the door, when we hear how we speak about one another, we may wonder whether we really wish them life.
Asked about the heart of the law, Jesus lets his questioner answer: love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:25-28; see also Matthew 22:37-39). Loving God always extends toward the people around you.
The invisible God, we cannot grasp. "So how could you not love this brother or sister sitting next to you, on whom you can put your arm when they are going through a hard time?"

4. Covering up is not forgiving, kindness is not love

When we let the appearance live on, we quickly cover up what is going on. We say: "You have to forgive, they can't help it, just forgive." But what we call forgiveness is often only a way of covering everything over to avoid tension.
Covering up can mean denying reality, refusing to see it. "Keeping the peace is not the same thing as reconciliation." To reconcile is precisely to share the difficult sides of life together.
Samuel Velinga quotes Dallas Willard: sincere love is not first directed toward my own need for approval or harmony. It places the good of the other above one's own comfort.
This is what Jesus did: at the cross, he bore discomfort in its greatest form. We too must sometimes accept our own discomfort in order to sincerely serve the other.
In a community made up of people so different, there is sometimes friction. God created each one with a unique personality, and that is normal. The problem begins when we refuse to acknowledge it and tiptoe around it.
"We must make the difference between kindness and love." Kindness simply wants everyone to feel good.
The surgeon who has to open an infection is not likable in the moment. But he saves you from sepsis. God is like this with us: he loves us so much that he does not leave what is rotting in us. We can be that for one another, courageous enough to cut where it is necessary, in order to heal.
Example: a member of your family sinks into addiction. Kindness is giving them the money for their next dose. No argument, harmony is safe. True love is the one who takes them by the arm and pushes them to walk into the detox clinic, even while being insulted in the moment.
"Love goes beyond kindness. It goes toward sincerity, to the very depths of who you are."

5. A family we do not choose

"Behold, what manner of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God! Such we are" (1 John 3:1). The preacher repeats: if you have received Jesus Christ, you are a child of God.
We have been forged into a family. Just as in a family we do not choose one another, we receive one another, we have been given to one another. We do not become children of God through hard work: it is the work of Christ.
"Beloved, if God loved us in this way, we also ought to love one another" (1 John 4:11). God's love comes first, and it calls for reciprocity. Not a one-way street: both must be sincere. Then we can look each other in the eye and say: "I love you sincerely, and whatever happens, I will walk through fire with you."
Paul says we are the body of Christ, made of many members (1 Corinthians 12). We need one another. Acts 2 and 4 describe a community that shares everything. Romans 12 and 13 detail the call addressed to a community. "Are we a community that wants to share everything?"
Love touches our time, our attention, our possessions, our availability, our way of being together. It is not an abstract ideal, but a lived reality, which carries the other when it is hard.
Walking in the truth, concretely: not keeping up appearances, not acting as if everything is fine, taking one another seriously, leaving room for honesty and vulnerability, not fleeing difficult conversations, acknowledging conflicts and faults, seeking forgiveness from one another. "We are just a group of broken people."

6. Human love, spiritual love, and Christ at the center

The preacher draws on Dietrich Bonhoeffer's distinction between human love and spiritual love. Human love is born of our desires, our expectations and our needs. The other must match our image, as in the Madrigal family. There is dependence there and a bit of control: we want to keep hold of the reins.
Spiritual love knows it can be disappointed when its expectations are not met. It truly acknowledges the other, puts Jesus in the middle and asks him to be the mediator. It seeks the good of the other without wanting to possess them or to decide for them what their life should be.
"Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" (1 John 5:5). John keeps coming back to this heart. A community of love lives knowing that King Jesus is its rabbi: the one who goes before it, leads it and shapes it.
"You can search wherever you want," in the East, in religions, in philosophies, true life is found only in Jesus. "He who has the Son has the life" (1 John 5:12). If this is true, he takes the central place in our relationships, our difficulties and our struggles too.
In the film, the family that believes it is leading a magnificent life only truly finds it when everything is put on the table, when the real story of Bruno is discovered and they look each other in the face again.

7. The step to take today

"My mission for you today is very simple." First step: acknowledge Jesus as Lord and Master. Live in the light, knowing that he has truly shown us this love. Seek the good of the other and live as a community of love.
The preacher does not claim that it is easy. But that does not mean we should not try: be honest with one another, call the other to account, dare to say: "You are heading in the wrong direction, because your soul matters to me."
"Even if the conversation is hard, even if I lose sleep over it, I do it anyway," because the Lord I follow has overcome everything and wants to remove every obstacle from your path.
You do not have to do it alone. We are a community under King Jesus, loved by the Father, receiving life in the Son and learning by the Spirit to truly love. The message leads into Communion, to remember what Jesus did for us.

Key Takeaways

The appearance of peace is not true peace: covering up what hurts is neither forgiving nor reconciling.
God is light and love, and with him word and deed are one. He calls us to love "in deed and truth".
Kindness seeks that everyone feel good. Love seeks the good of the other, even at the cost of our discomfort.
Children of God through the work of Christ, we are a given family, which needs each of its members.
Christ at the center of our relationships transforms a possessive love into a love that acknowledges the other as they are.

Personal Application

Which subject, in your family or your Church, has become a "we don't talk about Bruno"?
Do you hold a frozen image of someone that keeps you from seeing them as they really are?
In a difficult relationship, do you first seek your own peace and quiet or the good of the other?
Is there a conversation you have been avoiding for a long time and that love is asking you to have?
How can you, this week, love a brother or sister through a concrete act rather than in words?

Verses Cited

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does Samuel Velinga talk about the film Encanto?

The Madrigal family lives in a magnificent house, but behind the facade there are untreated wounds, expectations that are too heavy, and secrets. We don't talk about Bruno. The preacher uses this to raise a question: can you truly love someone when you cling to a false image of them and cover up what hurts in order to keep the peace?

Is covering up problems a way of loving?

No, answers Samuel Velinga. Covering up can mean denying reality. Keeping the peace is not the same thing as reconciling. True love puts the good of the other above one's own comfort, like a surgeon who opens an infection: it is not pleasant, but he saves you from sepsis.

What is the difference between kindness and love according to this message?

Kindness wants everyone to feel good. Love goes further. Faced with a loved one sinking into addiction, kindness gives them the money to avoid an argument. Love takes them by the arm and leads them to the clinic, even if they insult you in the moment, because it cares about their well-being despite the discomfort.