Introduction
Caring for an elderly or ill relative, what Japanese call kaigo, is long, quiet work, day and night: getting up, meals, medical appointments, watching through the night. So much of this effort remains invisible to others, and those who answer "I'm fine" are often the most worn out, in heart as well as body. This page gathers 17 messages: from church, from friends, from a pastor, and a few very short lines for a text. They do not overdo it and do not give advice. They express gratitude, invite rest and promise prayer. They say nothing about the course of the illness or about treatment. They care for the person who is helping. Add the name, say there is no need to reply quickly, and send them discreetly.
Messages from Church
To a fellow church member, say that you remain connected even if they cannot come to worship. Promise your prayer and offer practical help.
"[name], thank you for all you do every day for your loved one. Even if you can't come to worship for weeks, we are thinking of you and praying. The church is always your home. Come back when you can."
"[name], I know your days with your mother leave no break. I pray for you both every day. If you like, tell me what I can do, such as shopping or keeping watch for a little while. There is no hurry to reply."
"[name], our phone call reminded me how much you give. But you don't have to carry everything alone. In the church, we want to support you with you."
"[name], in your days as a caregiver, don't you always come last? Take even a small moment to rest, in body and heart. Your being well is also a great support for your whole family."
Psalm 55:22
"Cast your burden on Yahweh and he will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be moved."
"Cast your burden on Yahweh," says the psalmist. You do not have to carry it alone. You may place your burden with God. It is not a promise that everything will work out, but the comfort of having a place to set down what weighs on you. In a letter to a tired caregiver, this verse helps shoulders relax gently. Read all of Psalm 55.
Messages from Friends
A friend writes at eye level, simply. Show that you are ready to listen rather than advise, and keep words of faith discreet, according to the person.
"[name], thank you for everything you do. How about a cup of tea one of these days? I'll listen, even if it's just to grumble. You don't have to talk. Just being together is enough. Write to me when you can."
"[name], aren't you giving too much? This work goes on for a long time, and you need time to care for yourself too. If I can do anything, tell me without hesitation. I'm always on your side."
"[name], how are you these days? Reply whenever you like. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. When it's hard, say so as it is. I'll listen."
"[name], you give so much to your family that I find you truly admirable. But you also deserve to be looked after. One of these days, shall we take a little time to walk together?"
Galatians 6:2
"Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
"Bear one another's burdens," writes Paul. A burden is not given to be carried alone. When someone lends a hand, listens or prays, it becomes a little lighter. When writing to a caregiver friend, keep this verse in mind, and words that accompany without imposing will come on their own. Read all of Galatians 6.
Messages from a Pastor
A pastor recognizes the caregiver's work from the viewpoint of faith and gives permission to rest. Stay respectful and promise your prayer.
"[name], thank you for the care you give each day. God forgets none of your efforts, even the hidden ones. On days when you cannot come to worship, you are still in our prayers. Please take care of your own health too."
"To [name]: caring for a loved one with love is a precious service. At the same time, you need rest. Resting is not selfishness. Accepting help is not a shame either."
"[name], I am grateful that I could listen to you during my visit. Your pain and your tiredness may stay just as they are. Before God, there is no need to pretend. I also pray for you every day."
"To [name] and family: days of caregiving are a series of things that do not go as we would like. Do not blame yourself for the days when you did not succeed. God knows your best effort very well. The door of the parsonage is always open."
Matthew 11:28
"“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest."
"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest," says Jesus. This word is addressed not to those who succeed, but to those who are worn out. For a pastor's letter to a tired caregiver, there is hardly a more fitting word. Read all of Matthew 11.
Short Lines for a Text
For someone exhausted, short messages that call for no reply are not a burden. Here are lines to send as they are.
"Thank you for what you do every day. No need to reply. I'm thinking of you and praying."
"[name], you gave a lot today. May you get some rest tonight."
"Don't carry it all alone. I'll listen whenever you like. No hurry to reply."
"Thank you for everything. May your heart be a little lighter. I'm praying for you again today."
"[name], thank you. Knowing there are people like you who give themselves for others encourages me."
How to Write Your Own Message to a Family Caregiver
Begin by saying thank you. "Thank you for all you do" and "your days are heavy" touch more than anything. Recognize the daily work, not a result.
Do not give advice that has not been asked for. The choice of care, a facility or methods belongs to professionals and the person concerned. Keep an attitude of listening.
Do not speak of the state of health or how it will go. Words like "he will surely get better" can weigh, since you cannot promise a result.
Invite rest. Write "rest a little" or "don't push yourself" to say that resting is not wrong.
Offer specific help. "I'll do the shopping" or "I can keep watch for half an hour" is easier to accept than "tell me if you need anything."
Promise prayer only if you will pray. Add that there is no hurry to reply, so as not to add a burden.
Further reading
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I watch out for when encouraging a caregiver?
Rather than "hang in there," prefer "thank you for everything" or "don't push yourself." For someone already giving everything, what encourages most is a word that asks for nothing more.
Could a Bible verse seem imposed?
If the person is a Christian, a short, discreet verse can support them. If not, speak first of gratitude and care, and say only with restraint that you pray for them.
I'd like to help. How should I offer?
Rather than a vague "tell me what you need," offer something specific: doing the shopping, keeping watch for a while. Don't worry if they decline.