Thermometer or Heater: What Kind of Influence Are You?

Introduction

This is the final part of the series "Who Should I Live For?" After seeing that we were created to love God and our neighbor, and then that we have in Jesus an endless source of love to keep going in that mission, the preacher asks a simple question: are you a good influence? The word makes you think of YouTubers reaching three or four million people with a single video. But influence starts much closer to home. As a father of four boys, he watches his eleven-year-old lead his brothers along: when he pushes back against a house rule, at least one of the other three usually follows. He knows he's easily influenced himself, and he'd like to be a good influencer for his sons, even though that isn't simple when you spend your own time on your phone while banning screens for everyone else. To help us with this, he opens up Romans 14.

Outline of the Message

1. The Context: A Church Arguing Around the Table

• Paul writes to a church he doesn't really know personally, in Rome, likely started by Jews who had experienced Pentecost in Jerusalem.
• In his letter, he first restates the gospel: Jesus opened a way between humanity and God and paid for our sins on the cross.
• Then he addresses church life directly, because he's heard about internal disputes.
• The subject: food. Believers from a Jewish background avoided pork and meat sacrificed to idols; others ate anything. After the gathering, at the shared meal, this turned into major arguments.
• Jesus had taught that it isn't what goes into a person that makes them unclean, but what comes out of their heart. Some hadn't grasped that yet. Paul doesn't start a debate: he says to welcome one another.

2. Welcome Before You Debate

• "Accept one who is weak in faith, but not for disputes over opinions" (Romans 14:1). Being weak in faith doesn't mean lacking intelligence: it means not having fully grasped something yet.
• Welcoming someone means telling them: I accept you as you are, and I don't want to jump straight into a big debate.
• You know those family meals where politics comes up, where the father-in-law gives his opinion, then the son-in-law, until it all blows up. In those debates, what's usually missing is love.
• If you want to be a good influence, start by welcoming. The debates can come later, if they need to at all.

3. Welcome as God Has Welcomed Us

• Paul grounds all of this in one sentence: "for God has accepted him" (Romans 14:3). Welcoming reflects the way God works.
• In the parable of the prodigal son, the father lets his son leave with his inheritance, accepts the dishonor, and waits. When the son comes back, he runs to him. He doesn't ask, "why did you do that?" He welcomes him, dirty and all.
• God doesn't start by telling us we don't go to church enough, that we pray poorly, or that we've committed this or that sin. He welcomes us. Are we as welcoming as he is?
• As believers, we all feel some pull toward moralizing. What the Lord asks here is that we not rush to form an opinion about what people believe, but that we welcome them first.

4. Who Are You to Judge Someone Else's Servant?

• "Who are you who judges another's servant? To his own lord he stands or falls. Yes, he will be made to stand, for God has power to make him stand" (Romans 14:4).
• When we judge, we're almost taking God's place. We want to be an influencer, but we end up close to being a manipulator, dictating exactly what the other person should do.
• If you truly want to serve your neighbor, trust: God is the best guide for them, and he has the power to make them stand firm.
• The preacher admits it himself: "if I really believed God was at work, I might pray more for them." Do I actually believe God will strengthen my friends? We are not God.

5. We Belong to the Lord

• "For none of us lives to himself, and none dies to himself... whether we live or die, we are the Lord's" (Romans 14:7-9).
• This echoes the theme of the whole series: the best reason to live is to live for the one who created us.
• And if we're willing to live for God, it's first because Christ died for us. We love because God loved us first. He asks us to die to ourselves, but he did that before we ever did.

6. God's Judgment: A Reason Not to Judge

• "Why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of Christ... So then each one of us will give account of himself to God" (Romans 14:10-12).
• Criticism is easy, and it's hard to resist it in an environment where everyone criticizes everyone else.
• If you're a Christian, you're saved: someone else paid for that judgment in your place. But this passage reminds us that judging and criticizing a brother or sister is wrong before God, and that judgment cost Jesus dearly.
• That God is a judge is also reassuring: it means God loves what is good. It would be terrible to have a God who didn't care about right and wrong.
• Picture it this way: if there were no more traffic laws, you'd probably pay a lot less attention to the speed limit. Judgment makes us more attentive to what is right.
• Three truths that help us hold back our judgment: God set the example by not judging us first; God grows each person at their own pace; and God will judge one day.

7. Thermometer or Heater?

• "Let's not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this, not to put a stumbling block in your brother's way, or an occasion for falling... For the Kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit... So then, let's follow after things which make for peace, and things by which we may build one another up" (Romans 14:13, 17, 19).
• This passage asks us both to stop judging and to help others grow. Does my life make people want to grow, want to believe in Jesus?
• The preacher loves a good debate. He remembers a long conversation where he explained his faith to a friend from A to Z, proud of his arguments, and the friend found it all logical. But the real question isn't "how well do you present your faith," it's "does my life make people want to believe in Jesus."
• Two images to sum it up. The thermometer: you scan people, that one isn't inspiring, that one is arrogant, this other one is somewhat interesting. The heater: you change the temperature around you, and the people close to you are healthy, because your goal is for them to grow.
• The passage doesn't say "love people until they depend on you," but until they depend on the Lord. We will inevitably let people down; the only person truly worthy of trust is Jesus. That's also the unshakable resource for being a good influence.

8. Child, Adult, Parent: Three Sides of Christian Maturity

• In psychology, there's a concept of ego states: a mature person carries the child, the adult, and the parent within them, and needs all three to be healthy.
• It's the same in faith. The Lord calls us "children of God," not "adults of God": the child in faith learns from God and from others, and stays a learner for life.
• The adult in faith is self-sufficient: they nourish their own faith without being told to, through personal times with God and regular prayer.
• The parent in faith takes care of others and walks alongside them.
• The fruit we're aiming for: righteousness (God forgives us), peace (the calm of being loved by God), and joy (of knowing him and serving him). That's what our influence should produce around us.

9. A Testimony: Guideposts for 20 to 25 Year Olds

• At an evening where some young adults between 20 and 25 shared, they explained that their generation lacks guideposts: freedom stretched in every direction, families weakened, couples separating.
• One of their biggest voids, they said, is not having older people who are a bit like them, mentors who have walked through the same struggles and kept going.
• Grabbing a coffee with a young person can feel a little uncomfortable, because you have to meet them where they are. But it transforms lives. The preacher has benefited from this himself.

Key Takeaways

• We are all both influencers and influenced. The question isn't reaching millions of people, but being a good influence for the people around us.
• Start by welcoming, the way God welcomed us, before any debate.
• We are not the judge of our brothers and sisters: God is their best guide, and he has the power to strengthen them. That should push us to pray more for them.
• God's judgment is real, and it cost Jesus dearly. That's one more reason not to judge, and to love what is good.
• Be a heater rather than a thermometer: help people grow until they depend on the Lord, not on you.

Personal Application

1. In which relationships do you find it hard to welcome the other person, and easier to judge their opinions?
2. Who has been a good influence on you, or on whom are you a good influence, and why?
3. Where are you in the three sides of Christian maturity: the child who is fed by others, the adult who feeds their own faith on a regular basis, and the parent who walks alongside others in their faith?
4. Who could you pray for more this week, trusting God to grow them at his own pace?
5. Is there a young person or child in your life you could simply grab a coffee with, to become a guidepost for them?

Scriptures Referenced

• Romans 14:1-19 (main text)
• Luke 15:11-32 (parable of the prodigal son)
• Mark 7:14-23 (what makes a person unclean comes from the heart)
• 1 John 4:19 (we love, because he first loved us)

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does Paul talk about meat and vegetables in Romans 14?

In the church at Rome, some believers from a Jewish background still avoided pork and meat sacrificed to idols, while others ate everything. After the gatherings, when everyone shared a meal together, this sparked debates and arguments. Paul does not settle the details: he asks them to welcome the one who is weak in faith without arguing over opinions, because God has welcomed them.

Is a Christian not allowed to have an opinion about what others do?

The preacher isn't saying you should give up every conviction: he believes truth matters and enjoys a good debate. But Romans 14 reminds us that we are not the judge of our brothers and sisters. God set the example by welcoming us before judging us, God grows each person at their own pace, and God will judge one day. These three truths help us hold back our judgment and start by welcoming instead.

What does it mean to be a thermometer or a heater?

The thermometer scans people: interesting or not, arrogant, full of flaws. The heater changes the temperature around it: its goal isn't to judge but to help the people around it grow, until they depend not on the heater but on the Lord. The fruit we're aiming for is the fruit of God's kingdom: righteousness, peace, and joy through the Holy Spirit.