Faith and Sexuality: Your Questions, Our Answers

Introduction

Sexuality is a topic that often remains a hot button, even after the sermon. In this Q&A session, Jason Procopio and the speakers from Église Connexion take time to answer what you might not dare to ask out loud: how do you hold on to abstinence when your body is demanding otherwise? Does sexual immorality also concern what happens in your heart? Can you be sure of your salvation if you struggle with same-sex attraction? How do you explain to a non-Christian friend why the Bible reserves sex for marriage? Here is a faithful summary of their answers, to help you think through what God really says about your sexuality.

Message Outline

1. A Few Books to Dig Deeper

Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With? by Sam Allberry, a very good book on sexuality in general, which says better than the morning sermon what the pastor had tried to say.
The Lies We Believe About Singleness, by the same author, to address the specific topic of singleness.
Is God Anti-Gay?, also by Sam Allberry, the author, a Christian, himself lives with same-sex attraction, and he addresses the subject with tremendous sensitivity.
The Purity Principle, by Randy Alcorn, an author who specializes in the eternal perspective, helping readers make good decisions in light of eternal life.

2. How Do You Handle Sexual Desires When Obeying God Means Abstinence?

If you want to obey God, his commands about sexuality will necessarily place you, at some point in your life, in situations where you have to live in abstinence, because sexual intimacy is reserved for marriage between a man and a woman.
It's a battle; it isn't easy, and it's fought on several levels, but above all at the level of your mind and your thinking.
You have to be convinced that giving in to sexual sin is foolish. Not only does it hurt others and dishonor God, but even on a purely selfish level, it's not good for you. You think you're relieving tension, but the result is shame, which pulls you away from God and from others.
Flee sexual immorality, as 1 Corinthians 6 says. It's much easier to avoid sinning when temptation isn't present than to try to resist it once it is. You need to know yourself, know what makes you vulnerable, avoid certain situations, avoid staying alone, and watch what you feed through your eyes, not only pornography, but the movies and books that the world considers normal, which stir up thoughts that don't serve you.
A natural desire isn't necessarily a good desire at every moment. The seven-year-old girl who wants to drive the family car has a sincere desire, but her feet don't reach the pedals and she doesn't have a license. Even a desire created by God isn't good in every context.
A crucial point that's often overlooked: biologically, satisfying a sexual desire is neither mandatory nor necessary for your body or your health. It's a cultural lie to present it as a need. Your body and brain know very well how to manage a surplus of desire. You won't explode. It's a good desire in its time, in its context, not a need.
An excerpt from Sam Allberry's The Lies We Believe About Singleness, quoted by one of the speakers: "Being single doesn't waste your sexuality; it's a wonderful way to fulfill it. Our sexual desires point us back to the reality of the gospel. They allow us to focus on that. We will never know the true meaning of our sexuality until we grasp its purpose: to help us discover how God has loved us in Christ."

3. Does Sexual Immorality Also Concern the Desires of the Heart?

Yes, it does concern the desires of the heart, but a distinction must be made: temptation is not sin. Jesus was tempted in every way as we are (Hebrews), including sexually, without ever giving in.
There can be a shift in our thoughts where they become sinful. Jesus himself says it: whoever looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
All our actions begin in the heart and in our thoughts, whether for good or for evil. That's why Proverbs 4:23 says: "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life."
A sound theology of sexuality helps enormously. Sexuality is a picture of our union with Jesus. It can have beautiful consequences, uniting a man and a woman, testifying to the world of the love between Christ and his Church, just as it can have disastrous consequences. The Bible even uses the image of sexual unfaithfulness to describe his people's unfaithfulness toward him.
A simple diagnostic tool to ask yourself: how much room am I giving this desire? Sexual desire comes from God, it's normal, and it isn't in itself a sin. But when it arises in you, rather than staying fixed on the image, turn toward the reality it points to. When you give too much room to the desire, that's when it becomes risky.

4. How Can You Have Assurance of Salvation While Struggling with Same-Sex Attraction?

The question arises in exactly the same way for single people: does your attraction disqualify you?
Do you really control who you're attracted to? Do you decide whether you prefer blondes or brunettes? No, attraction itself is not something you choose. What belongs to you is the direction you choose to turn.
Being attracted to people of the same sex or the opposite sex isn't even the real question. The real question is: in the situation where God has placed me today, what am I going to do?
If you pursue Jesus Christ and obedience to God above all else, you have assurance of your salvation. Even if you make mistakes, even if you aren't perfect, you have assurance of your salvation.

5. How Do You Clearly State What the Bible Teaches About Relationships Before Marriage?

Genesis 2:24 sets the framework: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Three elements in this order: leave (a public act, with witnesses), hold fast (literally cling, a permanent commitment), and only then become one flesh (the physical union). Here God establishes marriage as the framework for sexual relations.
If Genesis 2:24 isn't enough to convince you, Jesus himself quotes this verse in Matthew 19 to affirm that sexuality begins with marriage.
A brief addition from 1 Timothy 5: Paul writes to Timothy to encourage "younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity."
In practical terms: if you're not married, the woman in front of you is your sister. There are things you won't do with your sister. The primary relationship between Christians is a relationship of brothers and sisters. The right question to ask yourself: what am I going to do to protect, guard, and preserve my brother or sister in Christ?

6. The Closing Prayer, Anchored in Ephesians 5

The session closes with a quotation from Ephesians 5: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church."
A prayer to the Father asking him to help everyone see clearly, flee from danger, and run toward him.
A special intercession for anyone wrestling with a struggle, frustrations, or difficulties in this area, that they would draw near with confidence to the throne of grace to receive timely help.

Key Takeaways

The battle for sexual purity is fought first in your mind: be convinced that giving in to sexual sin doesn't actually do you good, even if you think you're relieving tension, the result is shame.
Fleeing immorality is far more effective than resisting temptation once it's already present. Know your vulnerabilities, adjust your environment, and watch what you feed through your eyes and ears.
Sex is not a biological need. You won't explode if you go without it. It's a cultural lie to present it as necessary for your health.
Temptation is not sin, Jesus was tempted without sinning. But desire becomes sin when you let it take up too much room in your heart.
Your attraction doesn't determine your salvation, your choices do. If you pursue Jesus, you have assurance of salvation, even in the midst of struggles.
The Bible reserves sexuality for marriage because it is a sacred picture of the union between Christ and his Church.

Personal Application

Where is your battle being fought right now: in your mind, in what you feed through your eyes, or in situations where you let your guard down? Name one specific thing you can adjust this week.
Do you experience your sexual desire as a "need" or as a "desire in its time"? How might this shift in vocabulary change the way you bring it before God?
When a desire arises in you, how much room do you give it before turning toward Christ? What would happen if you learned to make that turn within the first few seconds?
If you struggle with an attraction that makes you doubt your salvation, are you willing to believe that your assurance doesn't come from your perfection but from your pursuit of Jesus?
Do you look at your sister or brother in Christ as a potential object, or as someone you're called to protect and preserve? What would that change in your relationships?

Verses Cited

Frequently Asked Questions

Is sexual desire a biological need that absolutely must be satisfied?

No. It's a cultural lie that makes you believe your health depends on it. Biologically, satisfying a sexual desire is neither mandatory nor necessary for your body. Your body and brain know very well how to manage a surplus. Sexual desire is a good desire in its time and in its context (that of marriage), but it isn't a need like eating or drinking.

Is sexual temptation already sin?

No. Temptation is not sin: Jesus was tempted in every way as we are, including sexually, without ever giving in. Sin begins when you let the thought settle in, when you look with lustful intent, or when you let that desire take up a place it shouldn't have. The practical diagnostic tool: how much room am I giving this desire before turning toward Christ?

How do you explain to a non-Christian friend why the Bible reserves sex for marriage?

Go back to Genesis 2:24: "A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." The order matters. First there's a public act (leaving one's parents. Then a permanent commitment), holding fast, clinging. And only then physical union. Jesus himself quotes this verse in Matthew 19. The Bible establishes marriage as the sole framework for sexuality, because it is a sacred picture of the union between Christ and his Church (Ephesians 5).

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