Matthew 18: Humility, Reconciliation and Forgiveness in the Church

Introduction

At Holy Trinity Clapham in London, the church's vision is to "see every life bearing fruit for Jesus." Josh Moxon, who preaches at the 9:30 a.m. service that morning, says how much that clarity helps him. But he also admits that the more involved he gets, the harder it becomes: "I get it wrong. I do things the wrong way."

A vision, he explains, is only possible if a culture and values carry it. That Sunday, the church has just welcomed a new member. It is an encouragement, but it does not remove the road still ahead to become a community truly built by God, together and personally.

Drawing on Matthew 18, the preacher offers three keys: when God builds a community, humility is a key, reconciliation is a key, and forgiveness is a key. For each one, he gives an encouragement and a challenge.

Message outline

1. Humility: recognizing that we need Jesus

The preacher starts with humor: a sprint that was too fast during a football game one Monday a few weeks ago, which nearly ended badly for his hamstrings, and an eleven-year-old girl who is much better than he is at football. "Forced humility is a key too."
In verses 1 to 4, Jesus places a little child in the middle of the disciples. Becoming humble like this child is not first of all a question of innocence or purity: it is humility, having no concern for one's social standing.
The verbs are active: turn, become. Humility is a deliberate choice.
A child knows they need help. His children ask him to cut up their food (yes), to help them with math ("ask Mum instead"), or to set up their fantasy football team ("yes, let's take the time"). Adults, on the other hand, are so often self-sufficient.
Even before how we treat others, the passage speaks of dependence on God. It is a value of the church, hence the pressing invitation to the prayer meetings. "Jesus, I need you." That is where we begin, and probably where we will end.

2. Not causing others to stumble, and going after the lost sheep

Verses 5 to 9 warn the church not to cause one of these little ones who believe in Jesus to stumble. The tone is direct: the millstone, the hand, the foot, the eye. Everything is there to show how serious this is.
Causing someone to stumble can mean sinning and leading others into sin. But it is not always that obvious: rejecting, ignoring, and not being hospitable are more subtle forms.
Josh Moxon asks a question: are the people I spend time with at church all exactly like me? Being a community means looking beyond what is comfortable and easy.
In humility, each of us can deal radically with our own pride and our own sin so as not to cause others to stumble. "Are we a community that welcomes well?"
The parable of the lost sheep (verses 10 to 14) confirms it: God cares about the sheep that wanders off, and we must care about it too. When someone is not quite walking straight, how will we lovingly walk beside them and accept the effort that takes?
The encouragement of humility: by depending on Jesus through the Spirit, we receive everything we need to live this out. He is the one who helps us.
The challenge of humility: it costs. It forces us to admit our need, which is not always easy, and to acknowledge our own sin.
The preacher adds a second challenge: to commit to one another, to the church, to this community. It is very hard to live all of this if we are not present for one another.

3. Reconciliation: assuming the best and following the steps

In verses 15 to 17, Jesus teaches what to do when a brother or sister sins against us: go to them privately, then with one or two witnesses, then tell it to the church.
Josh Moxon describes a reflex he knows well: something happens and we invent a whole story, always with the worst-case scenario. We have already written our resignation letter, decided that a friendship was over, or that parenting was not for us. Then a message or a conversation with the person involved shows that we had misunderstood: "It wasn't that bad to begin with."
It is good to assume the best about others and to dare to have the conversation. Sometimes it really is the worst. But in a Christian context, Jesus is the way back, and this passage gives a framework.
"Let's get good at doing this in the small things." More serious situations take more time, care, and the wisdom of other people. The preacher encourages us not to face them alone and offers to talk with him or with the pastoral team.
The goal is to seek the truth together, with unity as the destination. The end of verse 17 reminds us that reconciliation is not always possible, because of sin in the world. But the process is deliberate and orderly, and the community is called to pursue it wholeheartedly.

4. God's presence at the heart of unity

For the preacher, verses 18 to 20 are less a promise about prayer than a truth: when, by God's grace, reconciliation happens and God's people find themselves together in unity, God's presence is there, at the center.
"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:20). That is worth running after.
The encouragement: God's presence in unity is worth seeking.
The challenge: take reconciliation seriously, assume the best, go to the person and have the conversation. And if it really is the worst, entrust the process to Jesus.

5. Forgiveness: forgiving as we have been forgiven

Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive: up to seven times? Tradition spoke of three times. Peter, the preacher says, thinks he has understood: "He doubled it and added one." Jesus answers that we must go much further (verses 21 and 22). The number he gives means: forgive without limit.
Reconciliation when possible, forgiveness always. Josh Moxon admits that it is hard.
The parable of the unforgiving servant (verses 23 to 35) shows a master who cancels an enormous debt for his servant, who then has a fellow servant thrown into prison for owing him very little. Our own debt, canceled by Jesus, far exceeds anything anyone could owe us. "Jesus did it first, and he asks us to do it too."
What forgiveness is not: it is not forgetting, but no longer bringing up the wrong against someone. It is not tolerating sin or approving of what was done. It does not erase the consequences. It is not pretending we are not hurt, but it is not staying bitter or setting conditions either. It is not a substitute for safety or justice, and forgiving does not require staying in a dangerous situation.
What forgiveness is: rebuilding trust when necessary, being reconciled when possible. It is setting a captive free and discovering that the captive was us. It is offering others what God has offered us. And it is costly: the cross shows how costly and painful forgiveness can be.

6. The testimony of Corrie ten Boom

Corrie ten Boom hid Jews during the war. Years later, at a church meeting, she finds herself face to face with a former SS officer who has become a Christian, one of those who had held her captive.
She recounts: "I tried to smile. I struggled to raise my hand. I couldn't do it. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. So once again I prayed silently: Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness."
When she takes his hand, a current seems to pass from her shoulder, down her arm, and into him, and an almost overwhelming love for this stranger fills her heart. She concludes that the healing of the world depends neither on our forgiveness nor on our goodness, but on his: when he tells us to love our enemies, he also gives us the love itself.
The challenge: to forgive even when it is hard, or at least to enter the process by asking God to help us. The encouragement: the forgiven forgive. It is not our work or our ability.

7. A demanding and attractive community

"Do you want to be part of a community like that? I do too." That is what a healthy church can and should look like, but it takes being intentional, for example by building deep relationships in small groups.
It is a demanding call, even a little frightening. Yet in Matthew 19:1-2, right after these hard words, great crowds follow Jesus. This path is worth following.
The message leads into communion: remembering our need for Jesus and everything he has done for us.

Key takeaways

Humility begins before God: recognizing that we need him, like a child asking for help.
A community that does not cause others to stumble welcomes beyond what is comfortable and goes after the lost sheep.
Reconciliation is pursued with a method: assume the best, speak privately, and do not face serious wounds alone.
When God's people come together in unity, God's presence is at the center. It is worth seeking.
The forgiven forgive: forgiveness is neither forgetting nor approving, it is offering others what God has offered us.

Personal application

In what area do you struggle to simply say: "Jesus, I need you"?
Are all the people you spend time with at church like you? Who could you reach out to this week?
Is there a situation where you made up the worst-case scenario, when a simple conversation could clear everything up?
What hurt do you need to entrust to Jesus, and perhaps to a leader in your church, rather than carrying it alone?
Whom do you need to forgive, or at least begin to forgive by asking God for his help?

Verses cited

Frequently asked questions

What does it mean to become like a little child in Matthew 18?

For Josh Moxon, it is not first of all about innocence or purity, but about humility: not caring about one's social standing and recognizing that we need help. A child knows how to ask for help. Before God, it begins with a simple prayer: "Jesus, I need you."

How does Jesus ask us to resolve a conflict in the church?

Matthew 18:15-17 describes orderly steps: go to the person privately, then with one or two witnesses, then before the church. The preacher invites us to assume the best about the other person, not to face a hurt alone, and to seek unity, entrusting the process to Jesus.

Is forgiving the same as forgetting or accepting everything?

No. According to Josh Moxon, forgiving is not forgetting, but no longer bringing up the wrong against someone. It does not mean approving of sin, erasing the consequences, or giving up safety or justice. It means offering others what God has offered us, and discovering that we ourselves were the captives.