Matthew 18: Building Block or Stumbling Block?

Introduction

In high school, Zim Okoli had a rival. The two boys competed every year for first place in math and physics. To get ahead outside the classroom, Zim managed to join the group of popular students. He was proud of his move, until the Sunday he saw that classmate sitting in the front row of his church. His first thought, as he openly admits: "You're not going to come here and ruin everything. This is my space."

The following Sunday, the classmate was there again. For Zim Okoli, who now oversees the home groups at Holy Trinity Clapham, this was God showing up to confront him with a question: "Are you a building block for my community, or a stumbling block?"

That is the thread of this message on Matthew 18:1 to 19:2. To build his Church, Jesus deals with stumbling blocks, everything we put in other people's way that keeps them from feeling they belong. The preacher draws out three ways God builds community: through humility rather than greatness, through care rather than contempt, and through forgiveness rather than fury.

Message Outline

1. A Building Block or a Stumbling Block

Jesus uses very harsh words: "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for him that a huge millstone were hung around his neck, and that he were sunk in the depths of the sea" (Matthew 18:6).
To cause someone to stumble is to do anything that turns them away from following Jesus.
The "little ones" are not only children: they are everyone who believes in Jesus.
We become a stumbling block when we make someone who belongs in the Church feel that they do not belong. Jesus hates this, which is why his warning is so strong.

2. Humility Rather Than Greatness

Just before this, Jesus paid the temple tax even though, as the King's Son, he was exempt, "so as not to cause them to stumble" (Matthew 17:24-27).
The disciples, meanwhile, know nothing about stumbling blocks and only hold on to kingship: "Who then is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?" (Matthew 18:1). According to Mark and Luke, it was James and John who asked the question, as if they wanted to take Peter's place.
Jesus puts a child in the middle of them: "Most certainly I tell you, unless you turn and become as little children, you will in no way enter into the Kingdom of Heaven" (verse 3).
In the first century, a child had no rights. Becoming like one means giving up the fight for your status and being ready to put everyone in the Church above yourself.
In his home group, a baby is passed from arm to arm all evening, without a word, to whoever wants to hold it. "Greatness in the kingdom is going toward the one who needs you."
With 250 to 300 people at the service, the welcome team is not enough. The preacher suggests that everyone act as a host, in English HOST: say hello, notice what needs help, point people toward others, take time for those you do not know.
He admits that talking to strangers costs him, even as a member of the Church's paid staff. His challenge: every Sunday, one real conversation with someone you do not know yet.

3. Care Rather Than Contempt

Zim spoke to his classmate at church, out of politeness. But on Monday at school, he avoided him all day. "I was not just a stumbling block, I was a stone head."
The Holy Spirit convicted him: "If you do not go to him in love at school, you are not a brother to him at church, whatever you tell yourself."
"See that you don't despise one of these little ones" (verse 10). The Greek word means to look down on someone, with contempt or aversion, and to judge them unworthy of attention. "That was word for word my attitude."
The parable of the lost sheep (verses 12-14): a good shepherd is not content with one sheep left outside. He leaves the ninety-nine and searches all night for the one that is lost, without calling it foolish.
When his heart softened, Zim began to look out for his classmate and to bring him into conversations with his friends. To his surprise, they liked him.

4. Widening Our Circles

In his essay The Inner Ring, C. S. Lewis admits that we need small circles, but he warns against another kind of circle: one that "exists to exclude" and in which there would be "no pleasure if there were no outsiders." That kind of circle comes from contempt, and it cannot exist in the Church.
Jesus had several circles: one close friend (John, the beloved disciple), the three (Peter, James and John), the twelve, the seventy, then the crowd.
Our circles of one or three are stable, but the outer circles can open up. Include a newcomer in a conversation after the service, let people know a home group has room.
With his wife, the preacher regularly invites people from church to Sunday lunch, some they know well and one or two they know less well. Often the guests become friends with each other.
It costs a sacrifice. But remember the shepherd who gave his life to bring you back when you were a lost sheep, and who comes looking for you every time you fall.

5. Forgiveness Rather Than Fury

Peter understood that showing care will mean forgiving again and again: "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?" (verse 21).
Jewish custom spoke of forgiving three times. Peter says seven, the number of perfection, sure of the effect. He is like someone in week six of an Alpha course tailor-made by Jesus, thinking he has understood everything.
Jesus answers: "seventy-seven times" in the translation read at the service (the World English Bible renders it "seventy times seven," verse 22). The goal is not to count, but to lose count.
Jesus echoes Lamech, a descendant of Cain: "If Cain will be avenged seven times, truly Lamech seventy-seven times" (Genesis 4:24). That was fury without limit. Jesus turns the image around: in the Church, there is no limit to forgiveness.
The preacher acknowledges that his Church is not an anger-free zone. There are serious offenses and people who struggle to forgive. He himself finds it harder to forgive a Christian, because he expected them to treat him as a brother.

6. Two Debts Beyond Comparison

The first servant owes ten thousand talents, about 200,000 years of wages: an unpayable debt (verse 24). The second owes a hundred denarii, about three and a half months of wages (verse 28).
The offense others commit against us is real and it has a cost. But it becomes tiny next to our offense against an infinite, holy and majestic God. "You could have a black American Express card, and it would not even begin to cover that debt."
The master, "moved with compassion," cancels the debt (verse 27). We move from a mindset of scarcity to a mindset of abundance. How can we hold back limited forgiveness when infinite forgiveness has been granted to us?
Timothy Keller, in his book on forgiveness, explains that to forgive is to stop replaying the wrong done to you: to others, to the person, and to yourself. Cases involving the protection of people or criminal matters must, for their part, be reported to the authorities.
Restoring a relationship requires that the wrong be acknowledged. But forgiveness remains possible even without ideal apologies.
Desmond Tutu, who suffered under apartheid and chaired the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, said: "Without forgiveness, there is no future." As long as I hold on to hatred, I imprison my soul away from the future God has for me.

7. Jesus Takes the Road to the Cross

"It happened that when Jesus had finished these words, he departed from Galilee, and came into the borders of Judea beyond the Jordan" (Matthew 19:1). In Matthew, this formula closes each major block of teaching. This one opens the last: Jesus sets out for the cross.
It is as if he were saying: "Watch me lower myself below a child, so that you may become children of God. Watch me rejected, so that you may be brought back into the fold. Watch me bear the fury of judgment, so that you may become a forgiven community."
The message ends with communion: coming to the Lord's table, laying down our stumbling blocks at the foot of the cross, and joining God in building a community of humility, care and forgiveness.

Key Takeaways

A stumbling block is anything that makes a believer feel they do not belong in the Church. Jesus takes this very seriously.
Greatness in the kingdom means giving up your status and going toward the one who needs you.
The good shepherd is not content with a sheep left outside. Exclusive circles have no place in the Church.
In the Church, there is no limit to forgiveness, because the debt God has forgiven us is infinitely greater than the one others owe us.
Forgiveness remains possible without ideal apologies: it means ceasing to replay the wound.

Personal Application

Is there someone in your church you greet on Sunday but avoid the rest of the week?
Next Sunday, who could you have a real conversation with, someone you do not know yet?
Who could you bring into your circle of "the twelve" or "the seventy": a lunch invitation, a place in your group, a conversation after the service?
What offense are you still replaying, to others, to the person concerned, or to yourself?
What would change if you measured that offense against the debt God has forgiven you?

Verses Cited

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to "cause one of these little ones to stumble" in Matthew 18:6?

For Zim Okoli, to cause someone to stumble is to do anything that turns them away from following Jesus. The "little ones" are not only children: they are everyone who believes in Jesus. We become a stumbling block when we make someone who belongs in the Church feel that they do not belong.

Why does Jesus speak of forgiving seventy-seven times?

Jesus takes up the number from Lamech in Genesis 4, who demanded to be avenged seventy-seven times: a limitless anger. Jesus turns the image around. In the Church, there must be no limit to forgiveness. The goal is not to count, but to lose count.

Can you forgive without having received an apology?

Yes. Zim Okoli explains that restoring the relationship requires the wrong to be acknowledged, but that forgiveness remains possible without ideal apologies. Someone who has been forgiven by God lives in abundance and can choose to stop replaying the wound in their heart and in their mind.