Forgiving to Be Free

Introduction

We have all, at one point or another, gone through some kind of wound. Sometimes all it takes is a small memory, a thought, an image, for an old wound we thought had closed to start stinging again. And we aren't only victims: we too have caused harm, we too have hurt someone. So the question that follows is this: what can we do so we don't stay prisoners of the harm we've received and the harm we've caused? The letter to the Colossians answers in one line: "Bear with one another, and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive" (Colossians 3:13). This message, preached in the series Radicati nell'amore #grounded at Rehoboth Italy, shows you why forgiveness is, first of all, an act of freedom, for you.

Outline of the message

1. Forgiving is responding to grace, not earning grace

• Paul writes to the Colossians, a community formed mostly of converted pagans. This church was going through a period of doctrinal confusion: false teachings, human theories, and traces of Judaism were still circulating.
• What does the law say about forgiveness? If you forgive, God forgives you. If you don't forgive, God doesn't forgive you. Under the law, man takes the first step, and God responds afterward.
• What does grace say? "As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." God takes the first step. God is the one who forgives, and man responds.
• Even today, many people chase after philosophies, theories, and religions that have nothing to do with the truth of the Gospel. Paul's message stands unchanged: bear with each other, tolerate each other, forgive each other, because God did it for you, freely, without asking for anything in return.

2. Forgiveness is an act of freedom that gets you out of prison

• The word forgive literally means to let go, to release, to untie. It's not forgetting, it's not pretending nothing happened. It's not justifying the wrong either, or erasing the past.
• Forgiveness breaks the chains of resentment, frees the heart from hatred, anger, and the desire for revenge. Picture yourself in a prison and decide to walk out to become free again: that's what forgiveness is.
• When you choose not to forgive, you stay in that prison. And you're not alone there: the person who hurt you is there too, mentally, day and night in your head. Meanwhile, they may have already forgotten and moved on with their life. You, meanwhile, keep replaying it: "next time I'll get even, I'll tell them exactly what I think."
• Over time, this prison wears you down. It leads you down the path of bitterness, which isn't just a bit of sadness or pain, but a deep, stinging suffering that hollows you out.

3. Watch out for the root of bitterness

• "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled" (Hebrews 12:15).
• Bitterness is a poisonous root. Once it takes hold, it plunges deep and becomes very hard to pull out. It damages the soul, eats away at it, divides it, destroys peace, breaks relationships.
• Who are these "many" who become defiled? The verse tells us: those who "fail to obtain the grace of God," those who haven't experienced God's love or forgiveness. They struggle more to forgive, and find it far easier to wound.
• The only answer, when the pain is too great, is to go straight to God. Confess to him sincerely that you can't do it alone, that the wound is too deep. That's where the Holy Spirit begins to work, day after day, until the pain gives way to the peace of God.

4. Forgiving seventy times seven: meaning always

• One day Peter comes to Jesus after hearing him teach about forgiveness between brothers. He asks his question: "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" (Matthew 18:21).
• Traditional rabbinic teaching required forgiving three times. Beyond that, you were no longer obligated. Peter thinks he's putting on a good show by going up to seven, probably expecting a pat on the back.
• Jesus catches him off guard: "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:22). That's 490. Picture Peter trying to count, then losing track. That's the point: in a lifetime, you can't keep count of how many times you forgive.
• So why, knowing this teaching of seventy times seven, do we still find it so hard to forgive? First, pride. Then, situations that are genuinely difficult, complex, that require time and the grace of God working in the heart.
• Come back also to the small things: between siblings, we can stop speaking for weeks, months, years. Between spouses, we sometimes shut down. At work, at church: a greeting not returned, recognition withheld, "fine, next time I won't greet him either." We dig in our heels over so little.

5. The parable of the unforgiving servant: measure your debt

• To explain why we forgive so little, Jesus tells a parable (Matthew 18:23-35). A king wants to settle accounts. A servant owes him 10,000 talents, an enormous sum, something like 220 million dollars in today's money.
• The king orders that the servant be sold, along with his wife, his children, his whole family, and all his possessions. The servant falls at his feet and begs him. Moved with compassion, the king forgives him the entire debt.
• No sooner is he out than this same servant runs into a fellow servant who owes him 100 denarii, the equivalent of about 9,000 dollars, a real sum but not an overwhelming one. He grabs him by the throat, nearly chokes him, demands everything, right away.
• The fellow servant begs him in turn: "Give me time, and I will pay you back." The servant refuses and throws him into prison. Not a wise decision: how is he supposed to pay him back from prison?
• The witnesses to this scene are shocked and deeply distressed. This should make us think: the people around us see our behavior, and sometimes it's glaringly inconsistent.
• The king summons the servant: "You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?" (Matthew 18:32-33).
• The lesson for us: we all had a debt of sin that was impossible to pay. No one could settle it. Jesus came in our place, he went to the cross, he died for us, he paid the entire debt. We have been forgiven generously, freely, completely. As God has done for us, we must do for others.

6. "They don't know what they're doing": Jesus's motivation on the cross

• On the cross, Jesus has a crowd of hostile people right in front of him. They insult him, they mock him: "If you are the Christ, come down from the cross and save yourself! If you are the King of Israel, save yourself!" Words that are truly bitter to hear.
• And yet Jesus says: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). He could have cursed them. He didn't curse them. He pleaded for the Father's forgiveness, and he gave a reason.
• Did these people know what they were doing? Of course: they were nailing a man to a cross. What they didn't know was who was on that cross: Jesus, grace itself, our Savior.
• Jesus didn't see the crowd as a band of bloodthirsty murderers. He saw them as victims (victims of sin, of deception), as sheep without a shepherd, lost sheep.
• If you look at it that way, you too can find a reason to forgive. Do the people who hurt you, on purpose or not, know that they're hurting you? Most of the time, yes. But what don't they know? They don't know God's love, they've never experienced his grace or his forgiveness.
• This "they don't know" doesn't mean "poor them, they don't know." It's meant for you, so you stay free, so you don't remain locked up in hatred, resentment, anger, and offense.

7. Forgiven and reconciled: the fruit of a new nature

• Before conversion, it's easy to tell ourselves: I'm a decent person. A little lie here, a small thing there, but nothing serious. We even meet admirable people: generous, always willing to help, present in disasters. They will be rewarded for it in their lives, that's true.
• But the Word teaches something else: the sin God has forgiven us for is, above all, separation from him. When Adam's nature entered the world, it separated man from God. And when man is separated from God, he sins.
• The works of the flesh are listed in Galatians 5: adultery, sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, murder, sorcery, idolatry, anger, strife, division. A long list.
• But Paul tells the Romans that we are dead to sin. And to the Colossians: "He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him" (Colossians 2:15). Jesus stripped them of their authority, their power over us.
• Sin no longer has power over you, because Jesus accomplished a complete work: he reconciled you to God. "We also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation" (Romans 5:11).
• And now, what fruit are you bearing? The fruit of the Spirit: "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23).
• Forgiveness isn't a minor detail of the Gospel. It's its heart and its essence. God's forgiveness came before man's change. Jesus forgave on the cross, not after.

Key takeaways

1. Forgiving is an act of freedom, the word means to let go, to release. You're the one who walks out of prison by forgiving.
2. God takes the first step. Under grace, you don't forgive to be forgiven: you forgive because you already have been.
3. Watch out for the root of bitterness. It takes hold quickly, it's very hard to pull out, it destroys peace and relationships.
4. The real number for forgiveness is "always." Jesus's seventy times seven means that in a lifetime, you stop counting.
5. Your debt was erased in full. Compared to the 220 million dollars God forgave you, the 9,000 dollars your brother owes you is a small debit to erase in turn.
6. "They don't know," your reason for staying free. Those who hurt you have often never tasted the grace of God.

Personal application

1. Is there, right now, a person whose face or name comes to mind and brings back an old pain? Can you name that person before God today?
2. On which issues are you still living under the law rather than under grace, trying to forgive in order to earn something, instead of forgiving because you have already received?
3. Is there a relationship in your family, your marriage, or your church where you've stopped speaking to someone over something small or insignificant? What can you do about it this week?
4. Are you ready to confess to God, sincerely: "Lord, I can't do this alone, the pain is too great, come and work in my heart"?
5. Can you look at the person who hurt you as a lost sheep rather than an enemy, not to justify what they did, but to set yourself free?

Verses cited

• Colossians 3:13 · As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
• Hebrews 12:15 · That no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble.
• Matthew 18:21-22 · Up to seventy times seven.
• Matthew 18:23-35 · The parable of the unforgiving servant.
• Luke 23:34 · Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.
• Galatians 5:19-23 · Works of the flesh and fruit of the Spirit.
• Colossians 2:15 · He disarmed the rulers and authorities.
• Romans 5:11 · Through whom we have received reconciliation.

FAQ

Why is forgiveness an act of freedom?

The word forgive literally means to let go, to release, to untie. Refusing to forgive means staying locked in an inner prison with the person who hurt you, they occupy your thoughts day and night, even though they may have already forgotten. Forgiving means deciding to walk out of that prison to become free again. It's not justifying the wrong or erasing the past, it's breaking the chains of resentment, hatred, and the desire for revenge.

What does Jesus mean when he talks about forgiving seventy times seven?

Peter thought he was putting on a good show by offering to forgive up to seven times, since the rabbinic teaching of the time only required three instances of forgiveness. Jesus raises it to 70 times 7, or 490. No one can keep count like that: at some point you lose track. That's exactly the point. What Jesus really means is: forgive always, without limit, because God has done the same for you.

How do I forgive when the wound is too deep?

Forgiveness isn't immediate or instantaneous. Some wounds require time and real healing, the kind the Holy Spirit brings about day after day. Go straight to God, confess sincerely that you can't do it alone, that the pain is too great. That's where the Spirit begins to work and heal the wound, until the pain gives way to the peace of God.