Caring for Your Own: A Lesson in Love

Introduction

This Sunday, Gilles BONNEVEAU was supposed to wrap up the series on spiritual warfare. But the Lord changed the plan. He laid a subject on his heart that touches your everyday life directly: caring for your own. A subject so vast, so deep, that even a full year of seminary couldn't exhaust it.

Why? Because here we're touching the heart of humanity, its nature, its problems, and the solutions God places within your reach through his Word. The key verse, the one that will guide this whole message, is found in 1 Timothy 5:8: "But if anyone doesn't provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever."

A hard verse? Yes. But a liberating one, because it puts you back in front of a truth the world tends to forget: after your relationship with God, the priority of priorities is your own people.

Outline of the message

1. Humanity and its problems: the backdrop to your calling to love

Look around you. Every generation carries its burdens, and yet the problems all resemble one another, whether you're young, an adult, or elderly. Gilles BONNEVEAU laid them out plainly:

• Emotional problems: loneliness, anxiety, guilt, anger, depression, low self-esteem, grief, suicide.
• Relational problems: love, choosing a spouse, singleness, peer pressure, rejection, harassment, racism.
• Family problems: overprotective parents, indifferent parents, divorce, single parenthood, blended families, sibling rivalry, rebellion, running away.
• Sexual problems: lust, pornography, unplanned pregnancy, abortion, STDs.
• Abuse, addictions: alcohol, drugs, gambling, prostitution.
• Disorders, hardships: anorexia, bulimia, tics, OCD, disability, long-term illness.
• Direction problems: knowing God's will, choosing a career, a ministry, a marriage.

And the Lord Jesus spoke about all of these things. If you really read the Gospels, you'll see he addressed marriage, family relationships, the freedoms of men and women, sexuality, anguish, fear, loneliness, doubt, pride, sin, discouragement. He is the ultimate source of a balanced life.

God is love (1 John 4:16) and truth. His love drives him to reveal the truth to you, because the truth sets you free when you believe it (John 8:31-32).

2. God's plan for you: three areas of flourishing

God's plan for your salvation operates on three levels. Hold onto these, because they'll change the way you look at yourself:

a) Spiritual flourishing. This is your Christian maturity. The apostle Paul writes in Colossians 1:28 how dear it is to him to see every believer "perfect in Christ." You can't serve God effectively if you don't grow. You'll stay a child, still on milk, when you need solid food. And to chew solid food, you need teeth. Teeth are the picture of your spiritual maturity.

b) Psychological flourishing. All your emotional struggles (depression, dread, fear, shyness, guilt), are tied to an underdeveloped image of God in your soul. Psychological flourishing is found in the development of the image of God within you. Look at those who start their day with a hymn, with prayer, laying everything before the Lord: they're fortified, armored. Where another person trembles and shakes in a circumstance, they stay calm, because the God who lives in them steps forward and faces it.

c) Relational flourishing. God didn't create you to live in isolation. Many relational problems reflect wounds, trauma, and trace back to unhealthy, toxic, or broken relationships, especially with family, with parents. The most important of all your relationships are the ones with your parents. Priority order: first restore your relationship with God, then with your family, then with others.

3. What does "caring for" mean? Etymology helps you understand

The word "care" comes from the same root of attentiveness found across languages for "paying attention to another." That same idea appears in the Greek word pronoeō, which means "to perceive beforehand, to foresee, to provide, to think ahead, to think of someone, to take care of them."

It's this word pronoeō that you find in Romans 12:17 and 2 Corinthians 8:21, and above all in 1 Timothy 5:8: "But if anyone doesn't provide for his own…"

The dictionary defines care as "being attentive, kind toward." It's listening to another person's needs on every level, mental, emotional, physical. It's also the word the medical world uses for a patient's care: beyond the technical procedures, it's the intention to give particular attention to the person, to ease their suffering, to foster their independence and comfort. To care for someone, philosophically, is to rethink your relationship to the other.

As for the word "own," it's a possessive: it points to what belongs to someone, what is particular to a person, what relates to their family. A notion of belonging, of personal responsibility, of family identity.

4. 1 Timothy 5:8: a verse that keeps you standing

"But if anyone doesn't provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever."

A challenge. A command. A judgment. This verse describes someone who has no share in the kingdom of God, an unbeliever who has denied the faith. To deny the faith is to abandon, to renounce, to declare against the truth that you don't know a person or a thing. When Peter denies Jesus, he says he doesn't know him. And the apostle Paul says that whoever abandons his own does the very same thing.

You can deny Jesus in several ways: through spiteful words, lies, cruelty. But here, specifically, you can deny him by fleeing life's responsibilities and chasing after sinful pleasures. In God's eyes, family is paramount, and failing it is a sin. As the apostle James says: "To him therefore who knows to do good, and doesn't do it, to him it is sin" (James 4:17).

5. Your priorities: the order Scripture lays out

If you had to rank your priorities:

1. First, your relationship with God. Deuteronomy 6:4-9: "Hear, Israel: Yahweh is our God. Yahweh is one. You shall love Yahweh your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might." And these commandments you shall teach diligently to your family and your children.
2. Then your neighbor, as yourself. And your closest neighbor is your family: your wife, your husband, your children, your close relatives. They come first.
3. Then the church and others.

That's the biblical order. A major teaching for Christians of every era, and for anyone who wants to be complete in Christ.

6. The context of 1 Timothy 5:8: the widows and the church

1 Timothy and 2 Timothy are what's called "pastoral letters" (along with Titus). In them, Paul gives his young disciple Timothy directives so that he too can become a model for believers. It's a goldmine that every leader or servant of God should read.

The precise context of the verse is the case of the widows. Paul recommends that the families concerned support their own widows, so the church can be left to care for those who have no one. Remember Acts 6:1-6: the Hellenists were murmuring against the Hebrews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution. That's how the diaconate was born. The need to care for the people present and correct an inequality gave rise to a solution given by the Lord himself.

Remember also Tabitha (Dorcas), in Acts 9:36-42, that seamstress from Joppa who made tunics for the widows. In God's sight, true religion is visiting widows and orphans.

7. What French law confirms too (the Civil Code says the same)

You can check for yourself: the French Civil Code is unambiguous.

Article 205: "Children owe support to their father and mother or other ascendants who are in need." The law thus requires children to assist their aging parents, and it works the other way too.

Article 371-2: "Each parent contributes to the maintenance and education of the children in proportion to their resources, those of the other parent, and the needs of the child."

Don't think this is just legal trivia: when a Christian neglects a child from before their conversion, Scripture and the law say the same thing. Child support must be paid. The child's needs must be provided for. Responsibility must be taken.

8. Jesus's warning: the trap of "Corban"

Jesus rebukes the Pharisees who encouraged children to declare something "Corban" (Mark 7:11-12). This word meant: "whatever I might have given you, my father, my mother, is a gift devoted to God." In practice: instead of giving money to parents who needed medicine or food, it was offered to the temple to soothe one's conscience.

Jesus makes it clear: this is not right. You don't replace caring for your parents with a "spiritual" offering. It's a spiritual trap. Many believers today do the same thing without realizing it: they serve the church at full tilt and neglect their own household.

9. A preacher's plea: balance between ministry and family

Gilles BONNEVEAU said this with real emotion. He's seen reports about men of God whose children were all at odds with their parents. Dad is always at church, dad is always traveling, dad prays, dad saves others, but his own children grow up in indifference.

You have a heart for the church? Good. You have a heart for ministry, for the salvation of souls? Even better. But if your family is being neglected, you have a balance problem. The preacher prayed: "Lord, give us a harmony between our ministry life and a balanced family life."

Your son wants you to come to his soccer game. It's his birthday. Dad needs to be there. Mom needs to be there. Your presence reassures, it helps them grow. And it's these small moments of presence that build the relationship over the long run.

10. Caring, within siblings, inheritance, and households

Within sibling groups, when parents grow old, the load often falls on one or two of the children, the others never have the time, never have the money. Gilles BONNEVEAU, who worked in a retirement home as a student, remembers: the daughters came far more often than the sons. One young woman even came to ask him to check on her father, because she'd been calling him for several days with no answer.

There's also the matter of inheritance. Jesus himself addresses this in Luke 12:13-20, when a man asks him: "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me." How many sibling groups are broken because of this? How many go a lifetime without speaking because a brother or sister kept everything for themselves? Caring for others also means dealing justly within your own family.

And then there are children who are rejected, abandoned, who don't even know their father or mother, who spend their whole lives searching for their identity. Sin brings us to these situations. God's Word calls us out of them: "You must care for your own."

11. Caring for one another within the church

In the church too, you have people who are "your own": the members of the body of Christ. Checking in ("How are you, my sister? How are you, my brother?"), sharing joys and sorrows, considering one another's interests, that's what caring means. We see each other every Sunday, sometimes more than our own blood relatives.

Key takeaways

1. After God, your family comes before everything else. That's the biblical order from Deuteronomy 6, from Jesus, from Paul.
2. Caring for your own isn't optional. 1 Timothy 5:8 makes it a matter of faith: failing at it is denying the faith.
3. You don't have to choose between serving God and caring for your family. God is a God of order and balance. He'll give you the wisdom to reconcile the two.
4. True spirituality doesn't run from concrete responsibilities. An offering at the temple never replaces your duty toward your parents (Mark 7:11-12).
5. You can restore what's broken. Even if you've fallen short, it's not too late. The father in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15) hoped, waited, watched for him. God can give you a new relationship with your own.

Personal application

Take a moment before God and ask yourself honestly:

1. Am I making my wife, my husband, my children, my parents happy? Do I have the courage to ask them that question?
2. Is there someone in my family I'm neglecting, leaving for others to care for? What can I do about it concretely this week?
3. Is my investment in the church or in ministry coming at the expense of my household? Where do I really stand?
4. In my family, are there tensions around inheritance, around caring for aging parents, around an injustice that needs to be made right?
5. Have I asked God for wisdom, for listening ears, for the right attitude, for the ability to encourage my own rather than blame them?

Verses cited

• 1 Timothy 5:8 · the key verse on the duty to care for your own.
• Deuteronomy 6:4-9 · loving God and passing it on to your children.
• Mark 7:11-12 · the trap of "Corban."
• Luke 12:13-20 · inheritance and the parable of the rich fool.
• Acts 6:1-6 · the origin of the diaconate and caring for widows.
• Acts 9:36-42 · Tabitha (Dorcas), the seamstress who served the widows.
• Colossians 1:28 · reaching perfection in Christ.
• John 8:31-32 · the truth that sets you free.
• 1 John 4:16 · God is love.
• Genesis 1:27 · man created in the image of God.
• James 4:17 · the one who knows to do good and doesn't do it.
• Luke 15 · the parable of the prodigal son.
• Romans 12:17 and 2 Corinthians 8:21 · the Greek word pronoeō ("to provide for").

FAQ

What does "caring for your own" actually mean in 1 Timothy 5:8?

It means providing a real presence, along with material, emotional, and spiritual support, to the members of your immediate family, spouse, children, parents, close relatives. The Greek verb pronoeō means "to foresee, to think ahead, to provide": it means anticipating your loved ones' needs and meeting them concretely, not just with words.

Is it a serious problem if I serve heavily at church while my family suffers for it?

Yes, it's serious. The biblical principle places your family right after your relationship with God, and ahead of the church and others. Serving at church at the cost of neglecting your household is the "Corban" trap that Jesus condemns in Mark 7:11-12. Ask God for the wisdom to find balance: God is a God of order.

How do I restore a broken family relationship when my children are already grown?

It's never too late. Look at the father in the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15: he waited, he hoped, he kept watch. Acknowledging before your loved ones that you weren't as present as you should have been, asking for forgiveness, praying that the Lord will help you build a new relationship, that's the first step. God is a God of restoration.