James 3: Your Tongue Can Steer Your Life

Introduction

When Dave Smith and his wife arrived in Peterborough, they did not like the city. They came from Oxford, "the city of dreaming spires," and from the beautiful Cotswolds. What they found was a completely flat region and a city that seemed to be struggling. Their attitude was not good and, worse, they started voicing it: for a good part of the first year, they complained and grumbled. "We knew the Lord had called us, but our words were not really lined up."

After almost exactly a year, the Lord corrected them: "If you don't love the place, you will never reach the people." They repented. First their hearts changed, and God gave them a supernatural love for the city. Then their words changed: instead of running Peterborough down, they began to speak God's blessing over the city. They then began to reach people, one by one, and then more and more. In almost forty years, they have seen many lives transformed.

It is with this memory that the senior pastor of KingsGate Community Church opens this message in the "Wholehearted" series on the letter of James. After a sermon on following Jesus in our actions, he turns to another area: following Jesus wholeheartedly in our words. From James 3, he draws three truths about the tongue.

Message outline

1. Your words matter more than you think

The pastor recalls the English saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." In his view, it is "one of the most ridiculous sayings there is." Each of us has already been hurt by words and, even more painfully, has probably hurt other people with ours.
What is true is what the Bible says: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Those who love it will eat its fruit" (Proverbs 18:21).
James was steeped in the teaching of Jesus and of the Old Testament, including Proverbs. For him, what we say is a central question of the disciple's life.
The title of the series states what is at stake: following Jesus wholeheartedly, not halfway, "one foot in one camp, one foot in the other," at the risk of ending up doing "the spiritual splits." It is about going all in for Jesus, and not only in the areas we like or find easy.
James raises the subject at the end of chapter 1: "If anyone among you thinks himself to be religious while he doesn't bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this man's religion is worthless" (James 1:26). "Tell us what you really think, James!" the pastor jokes. We can believe that everything else in our life is in order, but if our tongue is not lined up, everything else is ultimately null and void.
In chapter 3, James devotes twelve whole verses to the subject. Dave Smith sees in it "one of the most demanding, yet most powerful teachings" in all of Scripture on the power of words.
James begins with those who teach: they will be judged more strictly (James 3:1). The pastor says he takes this very seriously, as does the whole teaching team at KingsGate. Then James widens his focus to each one of us.

2. Your tongue can steer your life

"For we all stumble in many things. If anyone doesn't stumble in word, the same is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body also" (James 3:2). We all have a problem with the tongue. "If any of you has mastered your tongue, please come and pray for me after the service."
The pastor describes a spectrum between two profiles. On one side, the talkers: they discover what they think by saying it. That livens up a conversation, but sometimes a word comes out without being really thought through, and it is like toothpaste out of the tube: impossible to put back. On the other side, those who keep everything to themselves: they weigh every word, and there is wisdom in that. But what irritates or frustrates them ends up coming out anyway, often stronger than they would have wanted. Talker, reserved, or somewhere in between, we are all concerned.
This little member "between the nose and the chin" is not like the others: it has the unique power to steer the rest of life. "Our words do not only reveal what is going on inside us. They help set the direction we take."
James gives two images. The bit, which makes it possible to steer a horse's whole body (James 3:3). And the rudder: "Behold, the ships also, though they are so big and are driven by fierce winds, are yet guided by a very small rudder, wherever the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a little member, and boasts great things" (James 3:4-5).
Early in his ministry, while meditating on James 3, Dave Smith sensed the Holy Spirit telling him: if you learn to keep the rudder aligned with my Word, my will, my promises and the destiny I have for your life, no matter how strong the contrary winds, you will arrive at the intended destination.
"You cannot control the winds that blow on your life." The world seems more and more unstable, and Jesus warned us that we would have tribulation in the world (John 16:33). You control neither a diagnosis, nor the way your boss treats you, nor the way other people act toward you. "What you can control is your heart and your mouth."
Early in their marriage, the pastor and his wife asked the Holy Spirit to show them every word that did not please him, and they gave each other permission to correct one another. For about six months, they could hardly say anything at all! Idle words, sometimes silly, sometimes coming from a deep and not very pretty place. By the power of the Holy Spirit, they learned to line up their words. "Decades later, I still need to do it."
But Proverbs 18 does not speak only of death, it also speaks of life. So they wanted not only to remove the negative from their mouths, but to fill them with God's Word and promises, and to speak them over their marriage, over the church and over their family.
One example among others: when his eldest daughter turned three, he became convinced that this would be the year she would give her life to Jesus. He began to declare it, and even made a little song of it, which the little girl started singing without really understanding. One evening, while reading her children's Bible, she saw a picture of Jesus on the cross and asked: "Daddy, why did Jesus die?" He led her, very simply, in a prayer inviting Jesus into her life, and prayed that she would be filled with the Holy Spirit. "No drama, no lightning." A few days later, while reading the account of Pentecost with her mother, she asked "Like this, Mommy?" and began to speak in tongues.
The pastor immediately adds: "It's not a formula." We do not control God. But he believes there is something in partnering with God's will and Word.
Hence his question: if you have children, what are you speaking over them? And what are you speaking over your own life? A small touch of the rudder changes the direction a great deal. Small changes in the way you speak can change a great deal about where you and others end up.

3. Your tongue can set fires

The pastor recalls the emergency alert sent by the government last August 14, to every phone in England and Wales: even a small flame can quickly become a great wildfire. That is true, and James says the same thing: "Behold, how a small fire kindles a great forest! And the tongue is a fire. The world of iniquity among our members is the tongue" (James 3:5-6). It defiles the whole body, sets on fire the course of life, and is itself set on fire by Gehenna.
Saying something once is sometimes simply stating a reality. The pastor tells how, years ago, he got into the habit of answering "I'm tired" every time someone asked how he was. It was true at the start, but the more he said it, the less well he felt.
Worse: the enemy does not need to do much to stop you spiritually. All he needs is for you to believe a lie and keep speaking it over your life. "I'm worthless. I'm not worthy. I'm a failure." And before you know it, that lie holds you captive.
Take God's Word instead and say: in Christ, I am worthy, I am a beloved son or daughter of the living God, I am an heir of the kingdom of God, God works all things together for my good (Romans 8:28).
Maybe you think: "I'm like this because my family is like this." Do not speak those words over yourself. Say instead: "I belong to a new bloodline. I am born again. I have the blood of Jesus."
The pastor warns against a "spiritual unreality." If you have a runny nose and you are sweating, do not answer "I'm healed!" when someone asks how you are: you are sick and you need prayer. If you are discouraged, you can say so to God and to others. "Facts are facts. But let's not let natural facts become the final verdict." Let God, his promises and his Word be the final verdict, filling our hearts and our words.
Yet James adds: every kind of animal has been tamed by humans, "but nobody can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil. It is full of deadly poison" (James 3:7-8). No one can say: "I've made it." The pastor points out that James does not say it is impossible, he says that no human being can do it.
He tells how, a few days ago, he was driving, praising God, praying in the Spirit, and sensing God's presence in his car. Then someone cut him off, and what came out of his mouth "isn't worth repeating." That is exactly what James says: "With it we bless our Lord and Father; and with it we curse men, who are made in the image of God. Out of the same mouth comes blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so" (James 3:9-10). James is not inviting us to give up because it is hard.
It is not only outbursts of anger. A calm, measured, reasoned bit of gossip can do more harm than a flare-up behind the wheel, and it damages not only individuals, but a whole community.
This is the heart of James's concern: he is writing to a church. Words can bring life and encouragement, or death and division. "For lack of wood the fire goes out; and where there is no whisperer, contention ceases" (Proverbs 26:20). A conversation, a text message, a social media post, an angry email: when we pass on our frustration or bitterness, the fire spreads.
To every new member of KingsGate, from the beginning, the pastor says the same thing: "This church will be a gossip-free zone, in Jesus' name." That does not mean everyone agrees on everything. But there is a way to settle disagreements in the right spirit, without anger or bitterness: go to the person, rather than talk about them to everyone. Let's keep the unity of the Spirit and not add embers to the fire.

4. Your tongue needs a new source

If my words can steer my life and set it on fire, and if no one can tame the tongue, what can I do? This is where hope comes in.
James uses the image of springs and trees: "Does a spring send out from the same opening sweet and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, yield olives, or a vine figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh" (James 3:11-12). He makes the same point three ways: what comes out depends on where it comes from.
James probably had in mind the words of Jesus, his brother who became his Lord: "For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34).
Yes, you should try to tame your tongue, it is a discipline. But it will not be enough. "You have to go to the source first, because what is in you will eventually come out of you." Implicitly, James is saying that only a renewed heart can produce pure speech.
The pastor bears witness to this. He grew up in a Christian family, but only became a Christian much later. Around the age of eleven or twelve, he became aware of sin and was grieved that he had started swearing. He even kept a little notebook to monitor himself. "The more I tried, the worse it got." He had no power within him to change.
At 19, at university, he experienced a different kind of conviction. He did not try to reform the outside of his life: he surrendered his life to Jesus, who came into his heart, cleansed it and forgave him. He was born again and filled with a new love, joy, peace and sense of purpose. Many areas of his life changed right away, not all, he admits. A few days later, he realized: "Hey, I've stopped swearing!" His heart had changed, and his speech had been supernaturally cleansed.
"What I could not do for myself, God did by his Spirit," because he had received a new birth. James says it in chapter 1: "Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures" (James 1:18).
God did far more than stop him from swearing. Where his words had been negative, hurtful and often sarcastic, his mouth was filled with something else: he understood that God was calling him to be a blessing, to speak blessing over people's lives and to point them to Jesus. "That's what God wants for you: for your mouth to be full of life, not full of death."
James speaks of a tongue set on fire by Gehenna, but Acts 2 shows a fire that comes from heaven. At Pentecost, tongues like tongues of fire rested on the disciples, and they were filled with the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:3-4). One of the first things the Spirit did was take hold of their tongues: "we hear them speaking in our own languages the mighty works of God!" (Acts 2:11).
It is not only about speaking in tongues. God also took hold of their natural speech. Peter stood up, preached the Word, and about three thousand people came to Jesus and were baptized (Acts 2:41). A fire of another kind then spread throughout the Roman world, down to today, through words of life and the good news of Jesus Christ.

5. A time to respond

The pastor first invites those who know their life is not in order and who have tried a little prayer, a little Bible, in their own strength. Trying to control your tongue by yourself is "doomed to fail." What is needed is to come to Jesus, who wants to change the source, forgive and give a new birth.
He also speaks to those who have drifted away: the Lord's mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). This is the day to come back, and sometimes to decide: "I'm all in, both feet in."
He then leads a simple prayer: thanking Jesus for loving us, for dying for our sins and rising again, asking his forgiveness for the way we have lived and spoken, turning away from sin, putting all our trust in him, surrendering our life to him and asking him to fill us with the Holy Spirit so that we may follow him wholeheartedly.
Then he proposes three steps: ask forgiveness for the false words spoken over your own life and begin to speak God's promises; make right what needs to be made right with those you have hurt by your words; and bring to the Lord the wounds caused by words you received, telling him: "That wasn't true. That's not how you see me."
Finally, he invites us to ask for a new fire from above, because if the mouth goes astray, it is often because the heart is not filled with the Lord. He prays that love and honor, wisdom, peace and joy, kindness and gentleness would come out of our mouths, and for a "wildfire" of encouragement, blessing and Gospel.

Key takeaways

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: your words do not merely reveal what is in you, they steer your life.
You do not control the winds of your life, but you can keep your heart and your mouth aligned with God's will and promises.
A lie repeated about yourself ends up holding you captive. Do not let natural facts become the final verdict.
Gossip adds wood to the fire. Go to the person rather than talk about them, and keep the unity of the Spirit.
No one can tame their tongue by themselves. It is a renewed heart, filled with the Holy Spirit, that produces pure speech.

Personal application

Are you more the talker type or the type who keeps everything inside? What trap with words does that set for you in particular?
What words do you regularly speak over your life, your marriage, your children or your church? Which ones would you like to replace with a promise from God?
Is there a lie about yourself that you repeat so often that it holds you prisoner?
Is there a conversation, a message or a post where you added wood to the fire? What can you make right this week?
Are you trying to change the way you speak in your own strength, or are you asking the Holy Spirit to renew the source, your heart?

Verses cited

Frequently asked questions

What does James mean when he compares the tongue to a rudder?

A small rudder steers a large ship, even one driven by fierce winds. For Dave Smith, our words do not only reveal what is going on inside us: they help set the direction of our lives. You do not control the winds, but you can keep your heart and your mouth aligned with God's will, and a small change in the way you speak can make a big difference.

Do you have to deny reality to speak with faith?

No. Dave Smith rejects any "spiritual unreality": if you are sick or discouraged, you can say so to God and to others, and ask for prayer. But he urges us not to let natural facts become the final verdict. God, his promises and his Word are the ones who should have the last word, in the heart as well as in the mouth.

How can you tame your tongue if no one can?

James says that no human being can tame the tongue, but he does not say it is impossible for God. Discipline matters, but it is not enough: what comes out of the mouth depends on the source. Only a heart renewed by new birth and filled with the Holy Spirit can produce pure speech, as the preacher experienced for himself at his conversion.