The Gift of Grief

Introduction

Many Christians grew up with the idea that "being sad is wrong." We learn, without it always being said clearly, that a faithful believer puts on a smile, keeps their head high, and only brings God the bright side of their life. In this message preached at Elevation Church, Lisa Harper turns this idea upside down. She shares how grief (that season no one asks for), became a gift for her. Not because pain is good in itself, but because pain, when you dare to bring it to the Father, strips away pretenses and draws you closer to the God who calls himself "close to the brokenhearted."

Message outline

1. The lie that "sad means wrong"

• Lisa Harper confesses that she long believed a true disciple should never admit to having a hard day.
• She grew up in a stream of the church where you only brought positivity to God, never sadness.
• This lie produces a culture of pretense: we wear a mask before God, before other believers, and in the end, the church loses its credibility before a world that is already tired of pretending.
• Her pastoral conclusion: "Our God is so good that not once in all of Scripture does he ask us to put sadness in a closet. He says: bring me everything."

2. Orthodoxy, orthopraxy, orthopathy

• Three words borrowed from classical theology. Ortho means "right" or "correct."
• Orthodoxy: having the right beliefs about God, rooted in Scripture.
• Orthopraxy: acting consistently with what you believe, with your heart in it and not merely out of duty.
• Orthopathy: having emotions aligned with biblical truth. This is where most Christians stumble, because they think they must amputate the sad part of their heart.
• Lisa Harper recalls Genesis 1:26-27: we are made in God's image, emotions included. Sadness is not illegitimate. What becomes illegitimate is what we do with it when we suppress it.

3. Elijah, the victory, then the broom tree (1 Kings 18-19)

• Elijah has just experienced a historic miracle on Mount Carmel. Facing 450 prophets of Baal and 400 prophets of Asherah, the fire of the Lord falls and consumes even the water-soaked stones.
• Immediately after, Queen Jezebel sends a death threat. The great prophet panics, flees all the way to Beersheba, then isolates himself in the wilderness.
• Under the broom tree, exhausted, Elijah asks to die. "It is enough; now, Lord, take my life."
• God's response is not a sermon or a rebuke. An angel touches him, lets him sleep, and prepares food for him. A God who does not forget the bread for his exhausted servant.
• The lesson: divine power, in Elijah's life, presupposes the pit. Revival often follows hitting rock bottom, when our self-sufficiency is finally broken.

4. Don't carry your sadness in isolation

• In verse 3 of chapter 19, Elijah leaves his servant behind and goes alone into the wilderness. This is where Lisa Harper sees his great mistake.
• Suffering alone is one of the enemy's favorite lies. It convinces us that no one would understand, that we'd be judged, that our testimony would be ruined.
• Find someone to whom you can say: "I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm disappointed, I can't seem to pray anymore." Don't cry hidden under your bed.

5. Psalm 22, the blues that precede Psalm 23

• We sing Psalm 23 about green pastures and still waters. But just before it, David writes Psalm 22: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
• Same author, same God, same faith. David simply hides nothing. He tells God: my bones are out of joint, my heart has turned to wax, my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth.
• More psalms are sad than joyful. That's a signal: laments are part of the normal language of faith.
• Acknowledging "today I cannot carry the weight of my life, I need Jesus to carry me" is not incompatible with believing he is a good God.

6. Formal theology and functional theology

• Formal theology is what we write in our statements of faith, what we recite in the Creed.
• Functional theology is how we actually live, at work, in the family, in our silences.
• Between the two, there is always a gap, because we are not yet glorified. That gap becomes a breeding ground for hypocrisy when we deny it.
• What widens the gap: "I'm fine, I'm fine." What narrows it: the humble admission that we can't make it on our own.

7. Under the bed, with my mother

• Lisa Harper tells the childhood scene that marked her entire life. After her parents' very violent divorce, at age six, she had vowed never to cry in front of her mother "who had already suffered so much."
• One day, at age eight, crushed by grief, she hides under her bed to cry in secret. Her mother calls out, she doesn't answer, then says yes when the question is asked a second time.
• What her mother does then: she doesn't lecture her, doesn't pull her out from under the bed. She stretches out her adult body and slides in beside her, under the bed springs. Without a word. Shoulder to shoulder.
• This is the image of God's presence in our difficult seasons. He doesn't judge, he lies down beside us. That presence becomes the cornerstone of faith, more solid than any immediate answer.

8. Choosing to say thank you for grief

• Lisa Harper quotes Charles Spurgeon, one of the greatest preachers of the 19th century: "There are moments when I feel like I'm living in a dungeon beneath a castle of despair."
• Every saint in the Bible went through seasons where they had lost their momentum. No one is spared.
• Grief, when brought to the Father, strangely becomes a gift. It makes the veil thinner, it makes God's presence more tangible, because we finally become aware of our need for him.
• God's closeness has nothing to do with our performance. Even less with our pretenses.

Key takeaways

• God never asks us to sort our emotions before coming to him. He says: bring me everything, including what you don't dare name.
• There is a gap between the theology we confess and the life we live. Denying it widens the gap. Humbly acknowledging it narrows it.
• Don't carry your sadness alone. Isolation is one of the most effective lies the enemy uses against the suffering believer.
• Divine power often presupposes a pit. Great inner revivals rarely come from easy seasons.
• God's presence in pain (like a mother who slides under the bed beside her child), becomes the cornerstone of faith.

Personal application

1. Is there a sadness, a disappointment, or a grief I'm carrying in secret, thinking "you don't talk about that" in my church or group?
2. What is my functional theology today, not the one I recite, but the one revealed by how I handle difficulties?
3. Was there, like Elijah in verse 3, a moment when I left behind those I could have walked with, to suffer alone in the wilderness?
4. Am I able to bring to God, in prayer, not carefully chosen words, but the raw language of Psalm 22: "Why have you forsaken me?"
5. Can I today, even without feeling it yet, choose to say to God: "Thank you for this grief, because I believe you will use it to draw me closer to you and to my brothers and sisters"?

Verses cited

• Genesis 1:26-27 · Man and woman made in God's image
• 1 Kings 18:17-24 · Elijah facing the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel
• 1 Kings 19:1-8 · Elijah under the broom tree, the angel who brings bread
• Psalm 22:1-18 · David's lament that precedes Psalm 23
• Psalm 34:18-19 · The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
• Matthew 11:28-30 · Come to me, all who are weary and burdened
• John 16:33 · In this world you will have trouble, take heart

Frequently asked questions

Why does Lisa Harper say that grief is a gift?

This message is translated from an English-language sermon by Lisa Harper, preached at Elevation Church and originally titled "The Gift of Grief." She calls grief a gift not because suffering is good in itself, but because pain, when brought to the Father, breaks our self-sufficiency and makes God's presence more tangible. She shares that her seasons of greatest intimacy with the Lord were never the easy ones, but those where she could "barely breathe without Jesus."

Is it compatible to be sad and to believe that God is good?

Yes. Lisa Harper demonstrates this through three words: orthodoxy (right beliefs), orthopraxy (right actions), orthopathy (right emotions). All three must be aligned, but aligned does not mean amputated. Psalm 22 precedes Psalm 23: David cries "My God, why have you forsaken me?" before singing about green pastures. Acknowledging that you are suffering today does not cancel the faith that God is good at all times.

How can I apply this message when I'm going through a hard season?

Three practical steps emerge from this sermon. One: stop hiding your sadness from God and bring him everything, unfiltered. Two: don't suffer alone. Elijah, in 1 Kings 19:3, makes the mistake of leaving his servant behind. Find at least one person to whom you can honestly say where you are. Three: choose, even without feeling it yet, to give thanks for this grief, trusting that God will use it to draw you closer to him and to his people.