Forgiveness, a Path That Starts With a First Step

Introduction

"We all take hits, and we take them regularly." Thiebault Geyer opens this message at La Porte Ouverte Chrétienne against a heavy backdrop: tensions in the country, stories of people attacked on their way somewhere, an accident that happened that very morning in front of the church. Even when everything is going well, no one escapes the arrows.

The pastor starts with a very simple example. He parks his car on the street next to his home, and twice someone has broken his side mirror. "It's not a big deal," he admits, but he catches himself thinking: "Why don't you stop? Why don't you at least leave a note?"

Small or large, offenses reach us all. So the question of the message is this: how do you survive in a world where, at any moment, you are going to take a hit? His answer is plain: "Forgiving is the only way to survive in a world that is going to make you suffer." The message draws on personal testimonies, on a short skit performed during the service, and on concrete steps for entering what he calls "the path of forgiveness."

Outline of the Message

1. We All Take Hits

The Bible describes these arrows. Psalm 37:14: "The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow; to cast down the poor and needy, to kill those who are upright in the way." Psalm 64:3-4 speaks of those who sharpen their tongues like a sword and aim their bitter words to shoot in secret at the blameless. Psalm 11:2 speaks of those who set their arrows on the string to shoot in the darkness.
Lies hurt, and so does disappointment. The pastor shares that he was recently disappointed by the life choices of people he loves: "It felt like an arrow."
Hurtful words can come from anywhere: from a three-and-a-half-year-old who shouts "I don't like you, you're mean," from your spouse, your friends, the church, the pastor, "the baker, the pastry chef."
David says it plainly: the deepest wounds come from those closest to us. Psalm 55:12-14: "For it was not an enemy who insulted me; then I could have endured it [...] But it was you, a man my equal, my companion, and my familiar friend."
Sometimes it is our brothers and sisters in the faith who make us suffer. Joseph was sold by his own brothers. Job was criticized by his closest friends. Jesus himself was betrayed by one, denied by another, and abandoned by the rest.

2. Forgiving, the Only Option

The pastor tells the story of Kevin Ramsby, a pastor in the United States. In August 2009, alone at home while his family was on vacation, he surprised a burglar who demanded money and keys. He was stabbed 37 times between his face and his abdomen.
On the ground, convinced he was going to die, he prayed for the protection of his wife and children, and for his son: "Lord, I pray that because of what I am going through, my son will never rebel against you, but will discover that living for Jesus is the best thing he can do."
Then he heard a voice: "They still need you." New strength came into him, and he walked to the neighbors' house. No vital organ was hit, and no trace of blood was found between the two houses: "God carried him."
The miracle did not erase the pain. Back home, he came face to face with his bitterness, his anger, and the memory of every blow. He decided to forgive his attacker and not to feed hatred. He met him several times in prison, publicly declared his forgiveness, and today testifies across the United States that forgiveness is possible.
"A bulletproof vest will not keep you from suffering. Only forgiveness will let you heal."

3. Small Offense, Deep Wound

A skit performed during the service portrays everyday offenses: a colleague who moved belongings "2 meters away" to clean the locker room, an overbearing neighbor who complains that you are shading his petunias, a son who refuses to answer the calls of his father, who has left the family home.
"It's easy to tell others to forgive," the pastor remarks. But small or big, the offense is not the real problem: "The problem is your reaction. The problem is what you are going to do with it."
Hebrews 12:15 warns against the root of bitterness that causes trouble and defiles many. A small offense left untreated is like a small wound that becomes infected: you neglect it, it builds up, and it ends up destroying.
Ephesians 4:26-27: "Be angry, and don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath, and don't give place to the devil." The pastor warns that if you give him room, "he will ruin your life": your thoughts, your heart, your health, your marriage, your work, your church, your ministry.
So you have to be radical with offenses and take seriously the one you have suffered. Time solves nothing, and neither does ignoring the person, addictions, new relationships, running away, revenge, or silence.
There is no other solution than verse 32, which we often forget after verse 31: "Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).

4. What Forgiving Means

In the skit, the mother explains to her son that she has forgiven her ex-husband: "I didn't do it for him, I did it for me. Hatred and anger were eating me up inside."
Forgiving does not mean excusing or approving the wrong that was done, nor does it mean letting yourself be walked over "because we're Christians." It sets you free from suffering the consequences of other people's bad actions by holding on to hatred and resentment. "It takes much more courage to forgive than to hold a grudge."
What helped her was thinking of Jesus, who forgave those who crucified him. Forgiving does not necessarily mean the relationship is restored as it was before: that is not always possible.
When you learn to forgive, the offense no longer has a hold on you. It is no longer a matter of ego or pride ("nobody talks to me like that"), but of trust: "I'm no better than anyone else [...] You are able to help me let go of the offense." An offense is often like a boomerang that keeps coming back into our thoughts. As you forgive, it comes back less and less, until the day those thoughts fly away.
Humanly speaking, forgiving seems impossible, and the pastor admits it: "You're right." That is why we must turn to Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to forgive the sins of all humanity. If you put your trust in him, he forgives you and gives you "that supernatural ability to forgive even the worst offenses."
Many people are also angry at God, thinking he is to blame for their problems. The pastor concedes that talking about "forgiving God" may be a poor choice of words, but he cites friends who lost their baby a few weeks after birth: they learned to trust God, who rebuilt them and carried them. "Make peace with God. Don't rebel against the one who alone can heal you."

5. The First Steps on the Path of Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is a path, a long, narrow, and difficult path." But you enter it with a first step.
First step: forgiveness starts with me. "The wicked one is not the other person. The wicked one is me." Most people come to the pastor's office to talk about the offenses they have suffered, rarely about the ones they have committed. "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" (Matthew 6:12). While preparing this message, he was glad to find he had forgotten many of the offenses he had received, but every time he himself had hurt someone came back to him. He adds: "The worst thing you can do to someone is to ignore them."
Second step: a step of faith. We fear the other person will do it again, and the pain cries out: "Whatever you do, don't forgive them." Forgiving means moving forward into the unknown, with your emotions in a mess: "God, you were able to walk on water, which is impossible. So you give me the ability to walk in forgiveness." It is a choice, a decision. His advice: train on the small offenses (the driver who cuts you off), or you will collapse on the day of the big ones. Little by little, you will become an "expert in forgiveness."
Third step: express what hurt me. Acknowledge that there is a victim and a guilty party, bring things into the light, "without telling the whole world." The goal is to pull out the weeds of bitterness, with a trusted person "with whom you will pray and not gossip about the situation."
Fourth step: put yourself in the other person's place. Sometimes that means listening to them, through a letter or over a meal at a restaurant, depending on the situation. In some cases it is not possible, and some offenses are a matter for the police first. When the offense is not too serious, talking can sometimes set the record straight: we imagine the other person meant to hurt us, when they were simply in a hurry or forgot to say hello. The devil seeks to amplify a small wound.
Finally: decide to stop holding it against the other person. Resist your emotions and your thoughts, choose to forgive every day, repeat, persevere, let go.
Matthew 18:21-22: Peter asks whether he should forgive up to seven times. Jesus answers: "I don't tell you until seven times, but until seventy times seven." We must become "experts in forgiveness," a people who are different from a world of revenge and lifelong resentment.

6. Forgiveness Sets You Free

The message ends with the video testimony of a brother from the church. In December 2008, a few days before Christmas, his son was killed on a pedestrian crossing by a father who was driving his child to school. He later learned that the driver was a police officer, and his anger grew. "That day, I realize that I am buying a coffin for my son."
He sank into alcohol and drugs, neglected his wife and his other son, and the couple talked about divorce. One evening, after several drinks, he was stopped by police officers. He lied, blew into the breathalyzer, and they let him go. On the road, he sensed Jesus speaking to him, that Jesus had wept beside him and was reaching out a hand to him that evening. He took it, and the restoration of his marriage began.
What remained was forgiveness, at the cost of many tears. As he read Matthew 6:14-15 ("For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses"), the verse hit him "like a sledgehammer": "Forgiveness is what will set me free." Today he is a motorcyclist who hands out Bibles, including to police officers. "Forgiveness sets you free. It's not a myth, it's a reality."
In the closing appeal, the pastor reminds us that Jesus understands your pain: he was betrayed, humiliated, and people tried to kill him from his birth; nails were driven into his hands and feet. He understands your anger and your hatred, but he wants to free you from them because they will destroy you.
He also challenges those who serve God while nursing bitterness: "A simple crack in a windshield can ruin everything. Don't let that small crack in your heart grow."

Key Takeaways

No one escapes offenses, and the most painful ones often come from those closest to us. Forgiving is the only option for survival.
The problem is not the size of the offense but your reaction. A small bitterness left untreated gives the devil room and ends up destroying.
Forgiving does not mean excusing, approving, or letting yourself be walked over. It means setting yourself free, and it takes more courage than holding a grudge.
Forgiveness starts with me: acknowledging my own offenses before looking at those of others.
Forgiveness is a path walked every day, "seventy times seven," with the help of Jesus, who understands your pain.

Personal Application

Which offense, small or large, keeps coming back into your thoughts like a boomerang right now?
Whom have you hurt, criticized, or ignored yourself, and to whom could you go this week to ask forgiveness?
Which small everyday offense (on the road, at work, at home) can you choose to forgive starting today, as training?
Is there a trusted person with whom you could bring things into the light and pray, without gossiping about the situation?
Are you holding bitterness toward God over a circumstance you do not understand, and are you ready to make peace with him?

Verses Cited

Frequently Asked Questions

Is forgiving the same as excusing the wrong done to me?

No. Forgiving does not mean excusing or approving the wrong that was done, nor letting yourself be walked over. Forgiveness sets you free from suffering the consequences of other people's bad actions by holding on to hatred and resentment. It also takes more courage to forgive than to hold a grudge.

Why forgive even the small offenses?

A small offense left untreated is like a small wound that becomes infected: it builds up and ends up destroying. Hebrews 12:15 speaks of a root of bitterness that causes trouble. Thiebault Geyer adds that anyone who does not train in forgiving small offenses risks collapsing on the day the big ones come.

Does forgiveness always restore the relationship as it was before?

Not necessarily, because that is not always possible. Forgiving means deciding to stop holding it against the other person and letting go. Depending on the situation, you can express things through a letter or a meeting, and some offenses are a matter for the police before any personal step is taken.