Matthew 5: Anger and the Power of Responsibility

Introduction

"We live in an angry world." Malcolm Duncan, pastor of Kensington Temple in London, continues the church's series on the Sermon on the Mount. After the Beatitudes in the summer term, the series is working through Matthew 5:13-48 this autumn. This Sunday's text is Matthew 5:21-26: anger, insults and reconciliation.

Anger travels fast, in homes, at work, in churches and on social media. Some anger is legitimate. Other anger is nursed, replayed and justified until it turns into contempt. That is the anger Jesus is talking about.

The thread of the message comes down to one question. The world asks: "What are my rights?" Jesus asks: "What are my responsibilities?" People of the Kingdom, says the pastor, take responsibility for what is going on inside them, for what they spread around them, and for the reconciliation God calls them to pursue.

Message outline

1. Righteous anger and the anger we feed

• People are angry about politics, injustice, the cost of living, about what has been done to them or what they have not been given. They feel forgotten, misunderstood, excluded, despised.
• Some of that anger is understandable. The Bible does not teach indifference in the face of injustice. Jesus was angry at hardness of heart, exploitation and hypocrisy, and he overturned the tables in the temple that had become a "den of robbers" (Matthew 21:12-13).
• There is another kind of anger: the kind we replay in our heads, justify, and that slowly turns into contempt. We end up seeing the other person as less made in God's image than we are, as an enemy to defeat, a problem to erase or a fool to brush aside.
• In Matthew 5, Jesus quotes commandments from Moses six times and deepens their meaning. Not once does he lower the bar. The pastor describes "hyper-grace", which turns grace into an excuse for sin, as contrary to the teaching of the Bible.
• When God's rule dwells in the heart through the Holy Spirit, a holier life becomes possible: it no longer comes from fear and outward conformity, but from the power of God living in us.

2. From a culture of rights to a life of responsibility

• In the United Kingdom, equality law protects several characteristics: skin colour, age, sex, religion, disability, sexual orientation. Malcolm Duncan, who advised the government when these laws were being drafted, warned in 2006 that the law did not say how these rights compare with one another. No one listened, and the courts have been deciding case by case ever since.
• The root of the problem, he says, is a culture built on rights: "What am I entitled to?" He makes clear that he believes rights matter, and that the European understanding of human rights comes from Judeo-Christian teaching.
• "How many marriages would be saved if we talked not only about our rights, but about our responsibilities?" The same question applies to parents and children, churches, businesses, politics.
• You may have the right to be angry, but you remain responsible for what that anger does in you. You have the right to defend yourself, but you are responsible for the words you use. You have the right to tell your side, but you have the responsibility to seek truth, peace and reconciliation.

3. From the visible act to the hidden heart

• "You have heard that it was said to the ancient ones, ‘You shall not murder’ ... But I tell you, that everyone who is angry with his brother without a cause will be in danger of the judgment" (Matthew 5:21-22). Jesus does not cancel the commandment, he deepens it.
• We often hear, as an excuse for someone: "He never killed anyone." That is the outside judging the inside. Jesus says it goes the wrong way round. He does not let us look at the commandment from a distance.
• Murder does not begin with a weapon. It begins when we decide that another person's dignity, life or presence matters less than our own. The pastor connects this outlook with the way the unborn child is spoken of as a "thing", and with the recent assisted dying bill in the United Kingdom, which failed and which worried disabled people.
• Jesus describes a progression: anger, then insult ("Raca", liable to the council), then contempt ("You fool", liable to the fire of Gehenna). Gehenna was the rubbish dump that burned outside Jerusalem.
• "Anger says: you have hurt me. Insult says: I am going to hurt you back. And contempt says: you are worth less than me."
• There is a big difference between saying "what you did was wrong" and saying "you are worthless". Sometimes we have to name evil, stand against abuse, resist injustice and set healthy boundaries. But even when we confront evil, we have no right to take away from someone the dignity God has given them.

4. Every person bears the image of God

• Malcolm Duncan grew up in Northern Ireland, in the Rathcoole estate, built to rehouse families from Belfast after the 1941 bombings, which had cost his aunt her life. The neighbourhoods quickly split along Protestant and Catholic lines.
• His father was not a Christian, but he had a deep sense of justice. One day a Catholic man was stabbed in front of their house. His father brought him in, tended his wounds and called an ambulance. A few days later, loyalist paramilitaries burst into their home. The child, about four years old, sitting on the stairs, saw a man press a pistol against his father's head and threaten to kill him if he helped a Catholic again. His father answered: "Then kill me", and they beat him badly.
• "You may think your hatred does not do that. Your hatred does. When you dehumanise someone else, you dehumanise yourself."
• The colleague who irritates you, the family member you disagree with, the person you are divorcing, the one whose political views you hate: they all bear the image of God. Sin distorts that image, it does not erase it.
• The pastor is very clear: you cannot dress up the dehumanising of a person in religious language. He would never tell someone suffering violence to stay in that situation; he would encourage them to get to safety. Theology must never be used to trap people. At work, with a relative or in ministry, abuse can never be tolerated under the cover of kindness.
• Words create an atmosphere. Some people have never hit anyone, but they have killed reputations through gossip, trust through constant criticism, friendship through a silence used as punishment, and hope by deciding that someone will never change.
• At 21, after a mistake, Malcolm Duncan went to apologise to his pastor, who answered: "You may be sorry, but you are finished. A leopard never changes its spots." That kind of word kills hope in a person's heart.

5. Taking responsibility without carrying other people's fault

• Anger can become energy to act with courage. The pastor has been involved in India in a ministry that led to the creation of a work against human trafficking, born out of anger at the sacrifice of twins by their own father.
• His wife once gave him a rubber brick to throw at the television, with this advice: "Malcolm, put that anger to work for Christ in these areas." Let anger rise in the face of injustice, but do not let it become hatred. Do not reduce people to a single story: asylum seekers are not all criminals, and someone with a different skin colour or background is worth no less than you.
• "Anger is a messenger, but it is a terrible master." Paul says: "‘Be angry, and don’t sin’" (Ephesians 4:26). Is my anger bringing me closer to truth, justice and love, or is it giving me permission to punish and humiliate?
• This does not mean pretending that the harm you suffered is acceptable, nor carrying responsibility for another person's choices, nor staying in an abusive or dangerous situation. I cannot control what others say or do, but I am responsible for my response. I cannot force someone to apologise, but I can choose to speak honestly, to forgive wisely and to seek peace.
• Taking responsibility is not taking the blame. The pastor tells how, before he became a Christian, he long believed that everything was his fault, because he was told so every day. "I am never responsible for another person's sin. I am always responsible for my own integrity."
• Forgiveness is one-sided: it is always your decision, and it sets you free. Reconciliation is like a chain with two ends: both sides must let go. God offers reconciliation to everyone, but his offer has to be accepted. A relationship cannot always be repaired, but you can refuse to let contempt become the permanent state of your heart. "Every unfinished conversation can find its ending in Jesus."
• The most dangerous person in a conflict is the one who says: "I have nothing to learn." David's prayer opens the heart: "Search me, God, and know my heart ... See if there is any wicked way in me" (Psalm 139:23-24). Do not pray "Lord, show them they are wrong", but "Lord, show me what is mine." God never confronts us to humiliate us: condemnation says there is no more hope, conviction says this can change.

6. Go and be reconciled first

• "Leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:24). Jesus does not say to worship first. You are not truly worshipping if hatred remains in your heart.
• John writes that anyone who says he loves God and hates his brother is a liar (1 John 4:20). James adds that blessing and cursing should not come out of the same mouth (James 3:10). "The fingers that type the email saying ‘you are useless’ are the hands you lift to God in worship."
• In Matthew 5, Jesus aims at your heart: if you know someone has something against you, go. In Matthew 18:15, he speaks to the community: if your brother sins against you, go. Whether the problem comes from you or from the other person, it has to be dealt with. Jesus will add: "For with whatever judgment you judge, you will be judged" (Matthew 7:2).
• A healthy church is not a church without tensions; that would be a church that does not exist. It is a community where people settle their differences, where they talk about them, where they do not let sin fester, where they do not gossip.
• "If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men" (Romans 12:18). This verse must not be used as an excuse to hide resentment. Sometimes the other person will not meet us halfway, sometimes direct contact is not wise or not safe, and boundaries are essential.
• A real apology does not say: "I am sorry you felt offended", or "I am sorry, but it is your fault", like Adam in the garden. It says: "I am sorry for what I did." It leaves time, space and dignity, and it bears fruit.
• "Agree with your adversary quickly" (Matthew 5:25). A small offence becomes a hardened story, then a broken relationship, which divides a church, a family or a nation. Anger is like a deposit in an account with a high interest rate: its cost climbs every day. There is a difference between a thoughtful pause and permanent avoidance.

7. Five practical steps

• Pause before you react. Write the email you feel like writing, then delete it and write another one. Ask yourself: what did this person touch in me, what am I trying to protect, what am I afraid of? "A pause in the moment of anger can spare you years of regret."
• Describe the behaviour, not the person. Say "what happened was wrong", "those words hurt me", "this has to stop". Do not say "you are useless" or "you will never change".
• Take responsibility for what is yours. Do not hide behind the other person's failure, and beware of friends who confirm your indignation for fear of upsetting you.
• Seek reconciliation rather than victory. In the Kingdom of God, the goal is never to humiliate the opponent; it is grace.
• Bring everything to the cross. It says two things at once: our sin is serious, and grace is deeper than anything you can imagine.

Key takeaways

• Some anger is righteous, but anger we nurse slides into insult, then into contempt that denies the other person's dignity.
• Jesus never lowers the bar: he moves the commandment from the visible act to the hidden heart.
• The world asks "What are my rights?", Jesus asks "What are my responsibilities?"
• Taking responsibility is not taking the blame: forgiveness depends on you, reconciliation takes two people.
• Reconciliation is part of worship: you cannot love God while ignoring the wrong done to your brother.

Personal application

1. Is there an anger that you replay in your head and have been justifying for a long time?
2. In which conflict did you begin with the question "What are my rights?" instead of "What are my responsibilities?"
3. Have you reduced someone to a single story, or spoken a word over them that kills hope?
4. Who comes to mind when you read "go and be reconciled to your brother first"? What message, what apology or what correction of gossip can you offer this week?
5. Can you honestly pray: "Lord, show me what is mine"?

Bible verses quoted

• Matthew 5:21-26
• Matthew 21:12-13
• Ephesians 4:26
• Psalm 139:23-24
• 1 John 4:20
• James 3:10
• Matthew 7:1-2
• Matthew 18:15
• Romans 12:18
• Genesis 3:12

Frequently asked questions

Is all anger a sin according to Matthew 5?

No. Malcolm Duncan points out that Jesus himself was angry at hardness of heart, exploitation and hypocrisy, and that he overturned the tables in the temple. Anger can signal an injustice or a line that has been crossed. The danger is the anger we nurse and justify: it becomes insult, then contempt, and ends up denying the other person's dignity.

What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?

For Malcolm Duncan, forgiveness is one-sided: it is always your decision, and it frees you from the grip of the offence. Reconciliation is like a chain with two ends: both sides must let go. You cannot be reconciled with someone who refuses to be, but you can refuse to let contempt become the permanent state of your heart.

Why does Jesus say to leave your gift at the altar?

Because being right with God means being right with others. Jesus does not say to worship first: he says to go and be reconciled first. For the preacher, you cannot lift your hands in worship and use those same hands to write cruel messages. Reconciliation is part of worship.