Genesis 2: Three Keys to Building Meaningful Relationships

Introduction

"Yahweh God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.'" With this verse from Genesis 2:18, Gill McGaw, pastor at Equippers Church Canberra in Australia, closes a four-week series on meaningful relationships. Every message in the series drew on this same text.

She asks a simple question: how did God know it was not good? Because the most meaningful relationship in all of history, and in the whole universe, exists within God himself: one God in three persons, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. God wants your life to be rich in meaningful relationships.

After the teaching of the previous weeks, the preacher wants to be practical. She gives three keys for developing these relationships, two images she received while preparing, and a few concrete steps to take this very week.

Outline of the message

1. It is not good for the man to be alone

Not every relationship is meaningful, but that does not mean the others do not matter. Your relationship with God, with your spouse, with your parents, your children, your brothers and sisters, and with the leaders God has placed over you should be meaningful.
"Meaningful relationships are a privilege. They are not a right." Giving your life to Jesus does not automatically entitle you to meaning.
These relationships have depth, growth and longevity. Pastor Tony and Pastor Matt reminded everyone the week before that they have known each other for thirty years.
They do not rest on performance. "In God's eyes, a relationship is meaningful when it is meaningful to him, not to me."
A reminder from last week helped a lot of people: believers do not judge non-believers. Some who had been judging family members by the expectations we have of a believer found this very helpful.
A warning: since Genesis 3, the devil's aim has been to destroy and divide relationships. If you were hurt or offended during this series, do not be surprised. "Our struggle is not against people"; it is against the devil and his schemes.
The Church gathers all of this into a sentence Pastor Sam often shares at Equippers: "Meaningful ministry flows out of meaningful relationships." It is not a product; it flows, it is organic, it is full of life.

2. Meaningful relationships throughout the Bible

Adam and Eve: the very first couple, with no marriage preparation, no model, and nobody to equip them. They had to learn from God, for a marriage lasting several hundred years.
Noah and his sons: by some estimates, building the ark took between 75 and 100 years. Picture being an adult with your own family, working for your father on a plan God gave him, with no power tools, for a rain that had never existed. "It took meaningful relationships between parents and children."
Moses and Aaron, Abraham and the servant he trusted to find a wife for his only son, Elijah and Elisha. Elisha kept following Elijah even when Elijah tried to release him, and he received a double portion (2 Kings 2:9).
Jesus with the twelve, with four of them, with three of them. David, Naomi and Ruth, and a multitude of others. "Do not just read the names." There is no fixed formula and no required personality type: these are real people, with their quirks and their clashes, and God was there for them.
John 13:34-35: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also love one another." Kingdom relationships are rooted in agape, God's love. Built on anything else, they crack and collapse.
John 15:13: "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." There is a "doing" part: these relationships grow steadily and slowly.

3. Three keys: my responsibility, my investment, my intentionality

First key: my relationships are my responsibility. The preacher asks everyone aged fifteen and over to raise a hand: from that age on, you are responsible for all your relationships, with your parents, your friends, your teachers, your group leader or your boss.
You have to look in the mirror with Jesus and put away the magnifying glasses you use to look at others. "My attitude, my posture, the place where I position myself and my response are my responsibility."
Your personal walk with Jesus and your ability to lay down offenses and forgive fully, "not halfway, not for show, not to tick a box", are also your responsibility.
"You only know you have forgiven someone by the fruit others can see." If you say you have forgiven but you have shut the person out or set them aside, you have not forgiven them.
Second key: my investment. You cannot build a relationship with someone else's investment, for example by sending a team member to wash the other person's car or do their shopping. Nor is it investing on my own terms, as long as I get what I want out of it. You invest your time, your presence, your servant heart, your honor and yourself.
Third key: my intentionality. We love Jesus, so we make Sunday gatherings and home group a priority. It is not the Church's job to manage my calendar: "It is my job to manage my calendar."
It is also my intention to go and meet others. Gill McGaw and her husband, Pastor Matt, met Pastor Tony and his wife in an ice cream shop, simply by going over to say hello, before discovering that they were taking part in the same evangelism mission in a big city.
"I am terribly introverted and shy," she confides. But the person standing there may be a gift from Jesus: not going to them is being rude to them, and to Jesus.

4. Two images: the bicycle and Lego

The bicycle has stages: the balance bike, where a child finds their balance under supervision, then the bike with training wheels. The day the training wheels come off, a parent has to hold the back rack and push the child toward freedom: that is a meaningful relationship.
Next comes the leisure bike, shared among friends, then the specialist bikes. A road bike is expensive, built for speed, and the team rides in a tight line. A mountain bike has suspension for the trails, and riding in a tight line there would hurt everyone.
You do not dress the same way or wear the same protection: "God has a purpose for your meaningful relationship," and he has no fixed formula.
Lego starts with Duplo and its 22 pieces at age two, and goes all the way up to adult boxes of 1,354 pieces, which she recommends building with others.
Receiving a box is like receiving a prophetic word: "Yes, that's me." But inside there is not the object from the picture, only bricks. It takes investment.
The bricks come in bags, in order, with an instruction booklet. For relationships too, we have a book: the Bible.
You need realistic expectations. You do not go on Lego Masters if you have only built Duplo. Are you showing up on a balance bike hoping to join a mountain bike team? You have to grow in your skills to run with others.

5. First step: be present and available

You cannot get a degree in relationships. Like after university, you need on-the-job training: learning to apply and to invest.
"I am not going to build a strong marriage if I am never at home with my husband." Nor a strong team by leading it from a distance.
Acts 1:21-26: to replace Judas, Peter asks them to choose one of the men who had accompanied the disciples since John's baptism. Two are put forward, Joseph called Barsabbas, who was also called Justus, and Matthias.
The nugget: it was not only the twelve. Others had gone the whole way with no title, no position, no recognition. They positioned themselves and committed. Being consistently present was part of the criteria. Jesus also sent other disciples out two by two (Luke 10:1).

6. Second step: refresh and honor

"We do not build a relationship for what we can get out of it, but for what we can bring to it," and for what it can reflect of God's kingdom in the world.
Paul writes that he hopes to send Timothy soon so that he himself may be encouraged, because he has no one like him to genuinely care about the situation of the Philippians (Philippians 2:19-20). Elsewhere he calls him his true child in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2). Timothy refreshed and honored Paul.
Be someone who laughs and brings joy. Be someone who changes the culture. "Jesus lives in you. You can change the culture." If you hear yourself say "there's a toxic culture," catch yourself, or ask a friend to catch you.
Honoring your father and mother is the first of the ten commandments that concerns our relationships with others (Exodus 20:12), the first four being about our relationship with God. And it was given to adults, not to children: we have to learn to honor better.

7. Third step: sow and build

Proverbs 24:3: "Through wisdom a house is built; by understanding it is established." Psalm 1:3: the righteous person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season.
Build with stone, not with straw or branches. Otherwise, when the big bad wolf blows, and he will, your house will fall and you will have to run for shelter in someone else's house.
Ask your leaders what God is building and line up behind them. Do not build your own project: God is already on the move.
God multiplies the seed of the one who sows (2 Corinthians 9:10). "While you build, God builds you." If you stop building, you stifle your own growth.
Ask your leaders how to improve, and listen to what they tell you: they are not saying it for show, they are invested in you and want to see you succeed.
"Meaningful relationships rest on your decisions. They do not rest on destiny." But they are developed, nurtured and maintained with destiny in view.
After the relationship within the Trinity, the most extraordinary one is the relationship with God. He is not far away; he wants his life to flow in us and through us. The message ends with an invitation to begin a relationship with Jesus.

Key takeaways

God said it is not good for man to be alone because he himself lives a perfect relationship: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Meaningful relationships are a privilege, not a right, and meaningful ministry flows out of them organically.
From age fifteen, your relationships are your responsibility, your investment and your intentionality, including full forgiveness.
There is no fixed formula: God has a purpose for each relationship, and it takes realistic expectations, time and work.
Be present and available, refresh and honor, sow and build: while you build, God builds you.

Personal reflection

In which relationship are you looking through the magnifying glass at the other person instead of looking in the mirror with Jesus?
Is there someone you say you have forgiven, but whom you have actually shut out or set aside?
What do you expect from others, in your calendar or in your meetings, that actually falls under your own intentionality?
In your close relationships, are you truly present and available, or are you leading from a distance?
This week, for whom can you be someone who refreshes, honors and builds?

Verses cited

Frequently asked questions

What does "meaningful ministry flows out of meaningful relationships" mean?

It is a sentence Pastor Sam often shares in the Equippers network. For Gill McGaw, ministry is not a product built on top of relationships: it flows out of them, organically. You cannot put it in a box, any more than you can decide in advance what a meaningful relationship will look like.

What are the three keys for developing meaningful relationships?

Gill McGaw gives three: my relationships are my responsibility, they require my investment, and they depend on my intentionality. From age fifteen, everyone is responsible for their own relationships, nobody can invest in your place, and nobody else should manage your calendar or go and meet others for you.

How do you know if you have truly forgiven someone?

According to Gill McGaw, you only know by the fruit others can see. If you cannot actively love that person, if you say you have forgiven them while having shut them out or set them aside, you have not forgiven them. Forgiving fully, not halfway or for show, is your responsibility before God.